Apr 30, 2009

It's almost Mother's Day and I'm feeling reflective

The house is a mess, it's always a mess. Heck, I'M a mess. I feel stretched to my limit and I'm tired. No, scratch that, I'm exhausted. But I sit here and watch my little girl, only 17 months old, sing along with her FAVORITE cartoon in the whole entire world, Caillou. She doesn't know all the words, but the ones she does she says loudly and the rest of the time she bobs up and down to the music. It makes my heart smile (if that were possible) and for a second I forget everything else. These children bring so much joy to my life.

(And even as I type the period at the end of that sentence Maddie starts whining for no reason at all....Way to pop my sappy, reflective bubble!)

You'll often hear, or read, about how my kids drive me certifiably crazy. And boy is it true! I often wonder how i will survive 18+ years of this insanity. I do not hide my feelings well. I am a brutally honest person and I don't know how to be anything but that. So many emotions run through me on a daily basis that's it's hard for me to sort through them all. In a day I can go from grateful, happy, peaceful and proud to irritated, depleted and sometimes almost downright angry in no time flat. Being a mom is a harder job than anyone would have or could have prepared for me to know. But through that roller coaster ride that is my emotions there is always one feeling that I can grasp onto at any time, and that's Love. Who knew you could love someone so much. That even in the midst of complete and utter frustration and anger you could still find that joy. It's nothing short of amazing to me. Even if I don't always portray that side of it.

Every year that I am a mother I learn, and every year that I am a mother I grow a little bit more respect. I have a mother. She's pretty awesome. And I realize with every growing year something that makes me so sad, I took her for granted. But to my defense, I didn't know. As a child having never experienced a love so real and so raw, how could you? I know she didn't expect me too and I surely don't expect my children to either. But I honestly never realized the depth to which she loved me and sacrificed her all until that very moment when they laid my sweet baby in my arms. Until I stayed up all night long with a crying infant worn and tired, and had to make it through the day in zombie mode. Until I had to take that child to the emergency room with a fever so high she could barely keep her eyes open. Until I felt those little arms wrap tightly around me and hear the words "i love you mommy". The words I waited so long to hear. Until i heard the purest, happiest giggles and saw them smile those big cheesy grins that will forever be burned into my heart. I could go on and on. Every day is filled with those moments. Thousands of them. And I pray to God for a lifetime full of billions more.

Every single day is a reminder and realization of that love that I feel for my children. A love that I couldn't live without. That I am so grateful for. But it's also a reminder of the love that I was given. A love that started 28 years ago. A love that in a way, because of her, I have been gifted. Wow. And I realize that just because your children grow up you don't lose that love. It doesn't lessen, it only grows stronger and deeper. You don't ever stop being "Mommy". And you can never stop loving or even fully sacrificing your life and your heart for your children. It's just not possible. And those four little words that you wait so long to hear. Those oh so powerful words that I now realize I don't say enough, she still needs to hear.

I love you Mom!

And thank you. Thank you for loving me even when I know you didn't always want to because I know at times I made it really hard. Thank you for sacrificing all that you did for me and not thinking twice to do it. Thank you for giving me your life so that I could have a lifetime full of joy and happiness and memories that mean more to me than you will ever know. It's because of you that I am here and it's because of you that I am who I am. It's because of you I know love, that I feel love and that I can give love. You stood by my side and you're still standing by my side to this day. For that I am and always will be eternally greatful. I love you with a love that goes deeper than any love in the world. No words or gift could ever express to you that love, it's just not possible. Twenty eight years ago they laid me in your arms, but I felt your love long before that. For we are connected by our hearts and no amount of distance can or will ever change that. I have loved you all these years and I will continue to love you to the end of time. I know it's still a week early, and I don't even know when you will read this, but...

Happy Mother's Day Mom!!

Apr 29, 2009

Oh where oh where did my sunshine go...

Oregon is a big, fat, LIAR! Yes, I am 10 as a matter of fact, and I have resulted to name calling. In the words of Rebekah with arms folded over chest "(hmph) I don't care!"

The sun came out for a whole entire week and it was glorious. But, ever since, yup, you guessed it, it's been raining or cold and gloomy. Hoorah! ((rolls eyes)) And the weather man had the nerve to say yesterday that Oregon hasn't seen enough rain this year. WHA...Come again weather man? Not enough rain?! Could've fooled me! He better be glad he was in the television...But all I can say is "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! It's just not fair!" If everyone else can have pretty sunshine why can't we? ((pouts))

You kinda lose interest and creativity oh after about 6 months of trying to find things to occupy yourself and 2 small children indoors. They are literally banging at the back door wanting to go out and play and I don't blame them. I am so tired of internet and tv that I could scream! One can only do so much cleaning before she goes insane. And I am so beyond tired of looking at toys that I have threatened more than once (today) to take them all outside, throw them in the street, and run them over with the car! Lil' bit moody Kristen? HA! I'd say so.

I tried to calm myself some w/ photography. I found two more lovelies in my yard to photograph. WOO HOO!

Nothing really new with the girls, they are doing great. Rebekah is your typical almost 4 year old. She thinks she rules the roost! She's sassy and argumentative, future lawyer perhaps? She's giving me a run for my money. But aside from all of that she's still a sweet little girl, so full of personality and life and I love her so much my heart overflows. Here she is this morning with her daddy's flashlight. That entertained her for about 10 minutes...

And Madelyn, well, she's following in her big sisters footsteps of course! I can't believe next month she'll be a year and a half! She's picked up so many of Bekah's mannerism's and attitude here lately, I can't believe it. We're seeing her personality come out more and more everyday. She's a pretty cool little chick. Just like big sister she oozes personality, she's funny and silly and oh so adventurous. Where Bekah is more reserved and timid, Madelyn is not. But she's such a sweetheart, definately more of a mama's girl these days. Sorry Daddy! And she loves the playground, she pitches a horrid fit when we tell her it's time to go!

Yeah, i know, she needs her ears pierced. I am horrible! I didn't mean to put it off for this long and now it's going to have to be torture, but they will get pierced, SOON hopefully. And YAY! her hair is finally coming in. Phew! I'm tired of people thinking she's a boy!

And I guess, for now, that's all I have to blog about? Unless of course you want to hear me complain about the weather a little more? HAHA. just kidding. LATERS!

Apr 23, 2009

An unbreakable bond that speaks for itself

Fun in the Sun, sprinkler style

I took this picture of our bush that's outside of our front window yesterday morning...

And I snapped a picture of the tree in our front yard blooming, it's like you can almost see the leaves coming out of hiding...

All this nature is miraculous to me! You'd think I'd never witnessed it before in my 28 years. Or maybe it's just the fact that I've been hibernating in my house for 5 long and gloomy months covered in rain, sleet or snow. Even though all the above is true, I, however, think my eye is just changing. It's wierd how that happens. As I get older I see things differently, and when I'm behind my camera I see a lot more beauty than I ever would have without it. Maybe that doesn't make sense to you? It does to me. But now sadly I am running out of things to photograph in our yard! (Thank God you say?) How rude! Russel even bought some weed killer yesterday and sprayed it all over my beloved dandelions last night, RIP beautiful little weeds! = (

Rest assured I will find more nature to photograph SOMEWHERE but until then I will just leave you with pictures of the two most perfect and beautiful subjects of all, and that would be, you guess it, my baby girls!! We've had such beautiful weather and the other day it was so warm I broke out the sprinkler. They weren't huge fans of it, Madelyn mostly as you'll see. But we managed to have some fun anyways. My kids are pansies, and hey, I can say that because I am their mom! Sometimes the truth hurts..

Madelyn before the sprinkler..

and can i just say WHY can her chubby little butt and legs look so cute..it's just not fair!

And Madelyn after the sprinkler, which is apparently the new form of water torture just incase you were wondering. ((rolls eyes))

Daddy rescued her (because Mommy refuses to put down her camera)"Mother of the Year goes to...."

And even though Rebekah will not run through the sprinkler (only around it or up to touch it, see I told you...pansy) she had a lot of fun!

We even dumped water on her head, teehee. Don't worry, I asked her if we could. See, i'm not horribly mean!

And a few last cute ones of Madelyn after she stopped pouting in daddy's arms...
(Yes, I put down the camera and loved on her too, no worries!)

Apr 22, 2009

Beauty in the every day

I don't know why but lately I'm fascinated with photographing the dandelions in our front yard. They are so beautiful to me. It's amazing how God can even make weeds pretty. He's just awesome like that. Afterall, there is nothing special about weeds. They are plain and annoying and frankly serve no purpose but to litter our yard with more weeds, but that's ok. To God they are his creation and they are beautiful, such a powerful lesson. And I just like photographing them, trying to see the beauty that God sees.

Lately I'm all about finding the beauty in the ordinary. It's easy photographing my children. Their beauty pours out of them constantly. But lately my eye has wandered out my front door and it's like I'm seeing things differently. Beauty is all around us if you look hard enough, even in the plain. Especially this time of year. We just overlook it most of the time. We all do. And it reminds me that God is faithful and God is good and I don't know about you but I tend to need that reminder from time to time. Here is a little bit more of God's amazing work, and I pray that you will walk outside also and open your eyes to this amazing world that God has created and thank him for the small things that we take for granted. (Some of these you might have already seen on my blog previously, sorry for the repeats!)

Poor little pine cone, leftover from a HAPPILY forgotten fall, but I just love this picture. It's so...rustic.

Apr 18, 2009

That pictures sums up our day. I took it at the park this afternoon. Russel said it reminds him of Christmas, i don't have an earthly clue why. I just think it's beautiful. And that's what our day was, beautiful and amazing. The weather was perfect, we spent the day together, laughed and played, and I can honestly say I haven't had such a good day in a really long time.

We started off the morning with Rebekah's swimming lesson, then headed out for lunch at the mall. Went home for naps (the kids not us, I WISH!), worked in the yard, then hit up Coldstone for some ice cream when the girls woke up. We took them to this local spot to feed the ducks which they loved by the way and it was so fun! Very peaceful, feeding ducks, I haven't done that in quite some time. Then we went to the park and the girls got to run around and get their feet wet in the fountain. Rebekah kept saying "that was so much fun!"

Here are a few of my favorite pics from the day:

Apr 9, 2009

Spring has sprung!!

I'm so excited! It's still raining a little bit buttt, she sun is coming out more and more and it makes me SO HAPPY!! :D See! A smile. We went to the tulip fields on Tuesday and it was so pretty. They weren't fully bloomed yet, but some of them were and I got some really great Easter pictures of the girls. I will definitely be going back there soon! Here are some of my favorites from the day, you can tell who my "cooperative" child is these days. I PROMISE i'm not playing favorites! I couldn't get them to sit together for a picture, Madelyn has ants in her pants and won't sit still, so...maybe one day. Until then separate pictures will have to suffice!

And Madelyn, sweet baby. She loved the "pitty" flowers but she wouldn't look at me to save her life. That's ok, I've learned to deal.

And aren't the flowers so pretty!