Mar 10, 2011

Fasting for Lent

I have never practiced Lent. To be honest I didn't even fully know what it was until two days ago. Where have I been hiding, under a rock? I know. But as of yesterday I am officially fasting facebook for Lent. No facebook... for 40 days....Yeah I know, that's just CRAZY talk! Believe me, no one is more shocked than I did it than myself. It was a completely spur of the moment, impulsive decision I made yesterday morning after I saw a couple of friends taking part in it. "Hey! That's a good idea! I'll fast from facebook too!" Uh...wait..what did I just say? Crap!" Lol. Like I said, I didn't know anything about fasting for Lent. I had no idea that morning I would be clicking off my all time favorite website for 6 whole weeks. And I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't panic and semi-regret it at first. It took me a good 15-20 minutes of staring at my facebook page and mentally talking myself out of doing it, to actually make my decision. Pathetic! Which in turn is why I did it. If something so little as facebook can control you so much, it's time to take a step back.

For awhile now I've been wanting to cut the cord, so to speak. Facebook has become quite the addiction for me. Now I've never done drugs, smoked cigarettes or drank alcohol, so I don't know what it's like to actually have a true addiction. But for me, facebook is as close as I've ever been and I would equate it to crack. I wake up in the morning and after using the rest room and feeding my children it's the first thing I check. I couldn't even tell you how many hours a day I log on that site. As a stay at home mom there is only so much cleaning, cooking, and entertaining of children you can handle before you need something else. And the girls are at the age now where they don't 'need' me as much as they used to. They spend a lot of their day playing together, playing alone, eating, going to school, taking naps, watching tv, and that leaves me...alone. Facebook has become my company, my outlet. A way to keep in touch with the outside world when I don't work and when, for 9+ hours, 5-7 days a week, the only people I talk to are a 3 and 5 year old. It's my way of feeling connected. It's my way of knowing I'm not alone in this hard world of mothering. I keep in touch with old friends through pictures and status updates. I live vicariously through those whose lives are a little more "exciting" than mine. It helps keep these walls from closing in on me. I've come to depend on it very much. So in a way it's become a huge part of my existance, and I don't like that, as innocent as it may be.

Sunday our Pastor talked about Spiritual Disciplines that renew. And I don't know about you but I could use a little renewing. It was a really great sermon and the entire message spoke to me, but two of the disciplines really hit me in the heart. Meditating on God's word and Fasting. It's no big secret that I could use a little more time with God. I've been feeling that for awhile now. I have an amazing relationship with God and I have felt closer to him in this past year than I EVER have. But it's easy to lose sight of him in your day to day. And He should be the one I turn to first thing in the morning before I start my day, not facebook. He should be the one that fulfills me and all my empty places. I left church Sunday stewing over the fact that I needed to make a change, so when Wednesday rolled around and I saw a couple friends abstaining from facebook, I knew that's what I needed to do too.

So wish me luck! Honestly so far it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would, but maybe I'm still in the honeymoon phase. :) More than once I have grabbed for my phone or sat down online without thinking to check my page and then I remembered, I couldn't. And that is kind of a let down. But..I'm surviving!! I plan on spending more time reading my bible and worshiping God, that's still a work in progress. I know I'll get there. Baby steps, right?