The Beaty's

On marriage

2011-05-19T07:16:00.000-07:00

The funny thing about love is, you can never tell when you're going to fall and when your life is going to change, forever...

11 1/2 years ago we met online, of all places. Back then it wasn't so common and my mom was a nervous wreck. Sorry mom!! I thought he was cute and had beautiful blue eyes, and according to him, he thought I was too good to be true. We spent two weeks getting to know each other over the phone, topics of conversation ranging anywhere from "where were you born?" to "what color are your bedroom walls?" We would talk well into the morning, never a dull in the conversation, and many times I would wake up to the sound of his steady breathing on the other line. Finally we decided it was time to meet, and boy was I nervous. But in all honesty, once I saw him it felt like we already knew each other, like we were already friends. We met at the Waffle House (we do it up fancy in Georgia) and we just talked. I left that night thinking "this is one of the nicest guys I've ever met" and I wasn't quite sure what would come of us, but I was certain if nothing else, we would remain friends, and that I wanted him in my life somehow.

I don't quite remember the lapse of time after that, but I'm sure it was only a matter of days until he asked me out on a real date this time and, as they say, the rest is history. I was only 18, I hadn't done a lot of dating up to this point, but I had dated enough to know that I had never felt this way about anyone before. When I was with him it just felt easy and right. I didn't know what it was but I knew very early on that he was where I wanted to be, where I needed to be. And that's how I knew that this was the real deal. I fell long before I admitted it to him, but I fell hard.

10 months later he asked me to spend the rest of my life with him and I said yes, with all my heart and soul. 6 months later I became his wife. 10 years later I sit here trying to put into words the life that we've shared together and the love that I haven't stopped feeling, not for one single moment.

Russel, you are my BEST friend. From the day I met you I knew that there was something special about you, something that I needed to be a part of. You are the most genuine man alive. And I could list a million qualities that you possess, but instead i'll just say, I have never met another man who is as good as you. You are the definition of what a husband should be. You make me laugh, you make me cry and you frustrate me beyond belief, but what's amazing is that through all of that you just make me happy. We're like peanut butter and jelly, bagels and cream cheese, milk and cereal...we're just meant to be together.

Our marriage hasn't been perfect, but then I guess the words perfect and marriage don't really go together. We've been through challenging times, hard times and really, really happy times. Our marriage has been tested, but so far it's done nothing but make us stronger. There is nothing that can sway me or shake the love that I have for you, and I can promise you the same thing now that I promised you 10 years ago. I have loved you and will continue to love you every. single. day. of. my. life. For better or for worse, in sickness or in health, through good times and in bad, as long as we both shall live. You are my heart and you are my home. Without you I'm just not me. No matter where we are in this crazy life or what we are doing, all I need is you and our beautiful girls by my side. I would do anything for you and go to the depths of the earth if that's what you asked of me. (Although I can't promise I won't bitch about it the entire time :P ) You have made me happier than you'll ever possibly know. You have forever changed my life. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for deciding 10 years ago that this always stubborn, wildly annoying, brutally honest, more than slightly opinionated imperfect girl was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. I promise I will try really, really, really, REALLY hard to make you not regret it too much! ♥

More on funny things kids say

2011-04-12T08:59:00.001-07:00

I was just telling the girls that I needed to get some new pictures of them soon and I wanted to take them to the railroad tracks. To which Bekah replied "But what if a train comes and hits us?!" and then Maddie chimed in "Yeah. Then we'd be DIED like this..." and she fell to the ground and stuck her tongue out.... LOL

Lawd help me....

Like mother, like daughter

2011-03-31T13:22:00.000-07:00

Bekah was very adamant that I take a picture of the beautiful flowers that have bloomed on the tree in our front yard. "Mommy! You just HAVE to come see this! The flowers are SO beautiful! Bring your camera!" I guess I'm rubbing off my kids, lol.

The big 3-0

2011-03-31T09:50:00.000-07:00

Today I'm turning 30. Ahhhhhh!
And so far today we are doing a lot of this...

...a whole lotta nothin!
We (as in me and Maddie) are fighting colds. See her poofy sick eyes?
But I still got serenated :)...TWICE
I love her. Check it out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

Blah, blah blah

2011-03-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

I feel like I should blog since I haven't facebook'd in almost 4 weeks. I feel like I'm in isolation or something, lol. I'm going stir crazy. That combined with the fact that spring break has pretty much sucked for us. We all got sick at some point. Bekah and I were hit with a yucky puke bug. That sucker knocked me out for almost a week, thank God it didn't hit her that hard. Then Russel made a little visit to the ER where he found out he has gallstones and pancreatitis, due to some kind of infection. ??? ugh. He meets with his doctor tomorrow for follow up and to find out whether or not he will need to have surgery. Good part of all of that is he's had almost the entire spring break off with us, at home, chilling. Then Bekah's allergies started acting up, or at least i think it was her allergies since she had no other symptoms of a cold. But now Maddie woke up last night with a barky cough out of nowhere so I don't know what on earth that is. And of course the weather still sucks, with a capital S. I am so ready for sunshine and warm weather it's not even funny. I know, I know...you're sick of hearing about it. I'm sick of talking about it. So enough of my griping I guess and onto less depressing topics.

The cherry blossoms are blooming! We had a break in the rain yesterday so we went up to the capital to walk around. It was so cold, so that didn't last very long, but I snapped a few pictures. As usual Maddie didn't care to stop and smile at the camera for me, but Bekah knows what her mama likes.

Ok, yea, that's it. We really have done absolutely NOTHING so I don't even have any pictures to share. Let's hope this blog perks up a lot and soon!

Surviving without Facebook

2011-03-15T10:10:00.001-07:00

This is Me.
Well, not literally me, obviously. But the cartoon version of me. If i had to sum it up in a picture, this ones best suited. Thanks Google!

I am surviving. It's really not as hard as I thought it would be, honestly. BUT I'd also be completely lying if I said it didn't suck. I feel very out of touch with my friends and adult interaction is totally lacking in my life right now big time. But...I'm surviving. It'll have been one week tomorrow, only...5 weeks to go. CRAP! Who knew I could live without facebook!

On a happier note, spring is creeping in. I photographed these beauties on the tree in our front yard yesterday morning.

Spring makes me happy. Im dying to get out there and see what else I can find but the weather is still so cruddy! We had one pretty day on Friday, Russel washed his car and the girls rode their bikes and played outside for an hour or so, that was nice.

I'm ready for sunshine and warm weather. Parks and picnics. Walks around the lake and outside exercise. COME ON SPRING TIME!!!

Fasting for Lent

2011-03-10T13:37:00.000-08:00

I have never practiced Lent. To be honest I didn't even fully know what it was until two days ago. Where have I been hiding, under a rock? I know. But as of yesterday I am officially fasting facebook for Lent. No facebook... for 40 days....Yeah I know, that's just CRAZY talk! Believe me, no one is more shocked than I did it than myself. It was a completely spur of the moment, impulsive decision I made yesterday morning after I saw a couple of friends taking part in it. "Hey! That's a good idea! I'll fast from facebook too!" Uh...wait..what did I just say? Crap!" Lol. Like I said, I didn't know anything about fasting for Lent. I had no idea that morning I would be clicking off my all time favorite website for 6 whole weeks. And I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't panic and semi-regret it at first. It took me a good 15-20 minutes of staring at my facebook page and mentally talking myself out of doing it, to actually make my decision. Pathetic! Which in turn is why I did it. If something so little as facebook can control you so much, it's time to take a step back.

For awhile now I've been wanting to cut the cord, so to speak. Facebook has become quite the addiction for me. Now I've never done drugs, smoked cigarettes or drank alcohol, so I don't know what it's like to actually have a true addiction. But for me, facebook is as close as I've ever been and I would equate it to crack. I wake up in the morning and after using the rest room and feeding my children it's the first thing I check. I couldn't even tell you how many hours a day I log on that site. As a stay at home mom there is only so much cleaning, cooking, and entertaining of children you can handle before you need something else. And the girls are at the age now where they don't 'need' me as much as they used to. They spend a lot of their day playing together, playing alone, eating, going to school, taking naps, watching tv, and that leaves me...alone. Facebook has become my company, my outlet. A way to keep in touch with the outside world when I don't work and when, for 9+ hours, 5-7 days a week, the only people I talk to are a 3 and 5 year old. It's my way of feeling connected. It's my way of knowing I'm not alone in this hard world of mothering. I keep in touch with old friends through pictures and status updates. I live vicariously through those whose lives are a little more "exciting" than mine. It helps keep these walls from closing in on me. I've come to depend on it very much. So in a way it's become a huge part of my existance, and I don't like that, as innocent as it may be.

Sunday our Pastor talked about Spiritual Disciplines that renew. And I don't know about you but I could use a little renewing. It was a really great sermon and the entire message spoke to me, but two of the disciplines really hit me in the heart. Meditating on God's word and Fasting. It's no big secret that I could use a little more time with God. I've been feeling that for awhile now. I have an amazing relationship with God and I have felt closer to him in this past year than I EVER have. But it's easy to lose sight of him in your day to day. And He should be the one I turn to first thing in the morning before I start my day, not facebook. He should be the one that fulfills me and all my empty places. I left church Sunday stewing over the fact that I needed to make a change, so when Wednesday rolled around and I saw a couple friends abstaining from facebook, I knew that's what I needed to do too.

So wish me luck! Honestly so far it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would, but maybe I'm still in the honeymoon phase. :) More than once I have grabbed for my phone or sat down online without thinking to check my page and then I remembered, I couldn't. And that is kind of a let down. But..I'm surviving!! I plan on spending more time reading my bible and worshiping God, that's still a work in progress. I know I'll get there. Baby steps, right?

Hiatus

2011-03-09T14:01:00.000-08:00

Man, it's been awhile since my last post! SORRY! Things have been very uneventful around here and I've been in my normal end of winter funk, which is why I haven't blogged. We've done a LOT of sitting in the house, wishing it would stop raining and get warm enough to play outside. We go to school, we go to church and we have an occasional play date, the end. Life is very routine and like I said...uneventful. But I'm learning to find the joy and the blessings in the every day "mundane" routine events of our days. It's a work in a progress..

The days are starting to be longer and the flowers are starting to peek up from the ground. I saw a cherry blossom blooming yesterday and I got uber excited. I've yet to have a pretty enough to day to get out and explore with my camera, I hope to do that very soon. Until then I will try to play catch up on the happenings since I've been gone.

Bekah is doing really well in school. She loves it and she's reading! Its still so crazy to me that my "baby" can read, and she tries to read EVERYTHING, believe you me. So needless to say, we see a lot of this these days.

Maddie is growing really fast too. She's losing her baby-ness and turning into a kid. I can't believe she'll be 4 this year! She's really smart, she can identify most of her abc's by sight, and numbers too. And the girl LOVES to color. She started drawing people, and I love it!

We had a snow day in February! Just a light layer, but enough to get the girls excited. We (they) got on all their gear and went out to play (after they ran out in their princess dresses first, of course). We had every intention of taking them to the mountains this year to really play in the snow, but that never happened and this is the best they got. We made home made shaved ice with koolaid and snow, they were pretty excited about that too!

Russel's chugging away at school. Spring break is upon us so he's pretty happy to get a little break. Between work, commuting to Portland 5 days a week, two college classes, church and then we can't forget guard, he stays so busy and he's ready to just relax for a couple weeks.

And...that's about it. I told you, not much to talk about at all. Here's a few more recent (random) pictures to hold you over. And you know I'm in a funk when I barely take pictures. Ugh. Come on spring!!!!

We had a cold come through our house, here's Bekah sick on the couch enjoying her popsicle and cartoons. :)

Sweet sisters that very obviously love eachother although they fight...constantly..

My Maddie and her silly, scrunchy face smile that I love so much!

The girls got bunk beds-woo hoo!

Emily does a LOT of this! Lazy cat...lol

Bekah rockin' out my old sweater when I was about her age

And the beautiful view we've been blessed with, right outside our back door

I plan to sign the girls up for swimming lessons this month, so stay tuned for that post! They have no idea so they will be so excited.

How does a mother know when she needs a vacation?

2011-02-13T11:05:00.000-08:00

Clue #1

Rebekah: "I wish nana was here to take care of us so you could go on a little trip"
Me: (trying not to laugh) "Why do you say that?"
Rebekah: (sweetest voice and dead serious) "Oh, not to be mean. Just so you can have a little break and when you're not so cranky you can come back. Just a little idea I had"

HAHAHAHA. Wow.
Point taken.
Mommy needs a break!

Merry Christmas

2010-12-28T08:57:00.000-08:00

This is what Christmas looked like in our house this year. Cozy, huh? I took a lot of "sparkly" pictures. Sorry. I was obsessed with the lights, and the ambiance, what can I say. Not even the cat can escape me and my camera. :) She looks pretty annoyed by it, huh?

Christmas came and went like a flash of lightening! I can't even believe it has been here already, let alone already passed. This year has flown by! We had a wonderful Christmas, the girls got everything they wanted and then some, how's that for lucky? It was a great day.

Here is Chrismas before the girls came downstairs:

And here is christmas after:
(please excuse the horrible picture quality, it was still dark out and the lighting in our house STINKS!)

Hope your Christmas was as wonderful as ours was!

Away in a Manger

2010-12-21T12:26:00.000-08:00

Have you ever really thought about Jesus's birth? What really happened that night? I mean really thought about it?

In answer to my own question I'd like to say "Yes, duh! Of course I have!" butttt if we're being completely honest here, I guess my answer would be, sadly enough, not really. {cringes}
I know...sad, right?
Please don't judge.

Oh I've heard it, a million times, I know the story. I could probably tell it to you by heart (please don't test me on this! haha) But I never truly let it sink in. I believe it with all my heart. I love Jesus even more. But it's always just been a story to me. The beginning of the history of everything I believe, albeit a very important story, but nonetheless...just a story that I could never relate to. Honestly though, I never tried very hard to relate to the 'characters' before. To really think about who they were, what they were experiencing, or how they might have felt that night. Until now.

There's a video circulating around facebook called A Social Network Christmas. You should watch it. You can also youtube it. Just something about that video touches my heart. And I won't lie, I shed a tear. Cheesy as it may be, I think that video is powerful! It reaches people on a different level. It makes you (or maybe just me?) really feel the story in a different way.

They weren't just characters in a book, they were real people like you and me.
Just think about it for a minute.
Mary, a teenage girl engaged to be married to her love.
A virgin.
I imagine she had her whole future planned out, after all don't we all?
But God being, well, God likes to remind us that it's not our plan, it's HIS plan.
So an angel comes to her and tells her she is with child, with GOD'S child.
I try to imagine what on earth she must have said and felt in that moment.
What the dialogue between her and God must have been.
"Me? Lord why ME? Who am I that you have chosen me...This is not what I had planned, what will people say? What will I do?"
Just put yourself in her shoes for a minute.
Imagine her confusion. Imagine her fear. Imagine having to tell everyone. To tell Joseph she was pregnant but it wasn't his child. The disbelief. The ridicule. The heartbreak she must have felt. But the strength and faith in God she had to possess to have been chosen by Him...
What an honor!
What an amazing woman!

Joseph, a lowly carpenter, engaged to be married to the love of his life.
High on life, high on love, aint' nothing gonna burst his bubble.
But then Mary comes with the news that will shake him to the core and forever change who he is.
He's going to be a father, but it's not his biological son, it's God's son.
What did he say? What did he think? What must he have felt?
Betrayl, anger, confusion..
Surely he thought he was being punked, right?
How's this even possible!?
Visited by an angel, told that it's in fact realer than real and again left to wonder "Why me God, why me?"
What a man he must have been to love a woman so much, to love God so much..
Being a teenager is hard enough as it is, add to it this magnitude of responsibility. Wow.

Fast forward 9 months.
What's the last thing anyone wants to do? PAY TAXES! But it's gotta be done, even back then. So off they go, as if this is something they really need to be worrying about now, of all times.
I'm a mother so duh, I've been pregnant a couple times. It isn't easy!
I imagine Mary, stressed about taxes, scared to death and about to give birth, traveling hundreds of miles by donkey, giving birth on the dirty ground amongst animals with only your husbands hand to hold.
How scared must they have been?
But how much they trusted God.
And holding your baby for the first time, it's pure exhilaration. Looking down at the face of a little miracle that you brought into this world. Experiencing such overwhelming and intoxicating love, a love like you've never known.
But Mary's son was no ordinary baby.
What was it like looking into the eyes of the Son of God. Touching his baby toes, kissing his baby cheeks, breathing in his beautiful baby smell?
What must she have felt in that moment.
Was the weight of the world on her shoulders, literally?
Holding that precious miracle in her arms, knowing he was the Son of God.
Did the crashing reality of who He was and who He was to be make her cry at night when no one else was watching?
I imagine she might have, but then again, I'm imagining she was just like you or me.
But she couldn't have been, she wasn't though, was she? She was chosen by God, she must have been braver than brave and stronger than strong. She must have possessed qualities that I can only dream of possessing.

But that's only the beginning of the story...
There's so much more than that.
So this Christmas I am going to try to focus more on Him and less on what Christmas has tried to become, because He is what it's all about!

Merry Christmas, xoxo

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2010-11-23T12:17:00.001-08:00

I can't believe it's only fall, Thanksgiving is still two days away and yet last night it started snowing! The girls woke up to white everywhere and they were so excited! Not a lot of snow, maybe an inch or so, but enough for them to enjoy themselves for a little bit. So snow was eaten, giggles were had, angels were made, pictures were taken, then a fire and hot chocolate with marshmallows was enjoyed. I love making memories with my girls. It warms my heart.

They were outside before the sun was even completely up!

Then the sun finally came out, and they went out for a second time!
Thank you Nana for the nice cozy jackets :)

I hope we get lots more snow this year although Russel would probably argue the opposite, since he does have to commute an hour to work, one way and doesn't exactly get to stay and play in it with us. :(

As for Thanksgiving, this year we are celebrating with some good friends from church and I'm really excited. Lots of food + friends = heaven! Turkey, get in my belly!
THEN we'll think about decorating for Christmas, one holiday at a time people, one holiday at a time.

This is where I get deep..

2010-11-15T19:46:00.000-08:00

I wasn't born yesterday, so it would be fair to say that I've seen my share of pain in this world. My parents did a really good job of sheltering me for a really long time, as any parents should do. Then I did a really good job of picking up where they left off. Pretty much the only pain I saw was the pain I couldn't avoid.
Sadness over losing a friend, devastating heartbreak over losing your first love, or the "pain" of not getting what you want, because as you know when you're a teenager it really is the end of the world--those kinds of pains.

I have had a very blessed life. I had two amazing parents who loved each other and loved us. Who modeled a healthy life and love for us. We grew up in church, we loved Jesus, what more does anyone need? They struggled in many ways, but we never knew. To me my life was perfect. We wanted things of course, what kid doesn't. But truly we wanted for nothing. We had an amazing childhood.

But there was another side of life that for the longest time I didn't realize existed. I really and truly didn't.
If you don't watch the news, you don't have to hear about war, famine, or disease.
If you don't listen to the commercials, or visit the hospitals you don't have to hear about all the men, women and little kids who are sick and dying of cancer.
Let me tell you It's really, REALLY easy to turn a blind eye, because I've done it most of my life. But then you grow up, you move out and you move on. It's not so easy to stay ignorant. You don't have to watch the news, but your co-workers do. The internet makes information so readily available. You can't avoid the tough side of life anymore as hard as you try.

Or...
Your husband joins the military and gets sent into the heart of the war.
Your father gets sick and dies of cancer.
You hit financial rock bottom.
Your best friend loses her child.
Your friends and families marriages start crumbling to the ground one by one...

There is so much pain in this world.
REAL pain.
Pain I don't have to see if I can somehow stay in the bubble I've created.
Pain I can't stand to see because it's pain I can't fix.
You see, I'm a fixer, by nature. I like to fix people's problems, like they are my own personal cross to bare. I was blessed with an over abundance of compassion and empathy, but believe me, sometimes it doesn't quite feel like a blessing. I break and hurt so easily.
When I drive past the homeless man on the street corner with his cardboard sign, I look away. If I looked at him, if I actually made eye contact I might feel his pain. It breaks my heart to see his crushed spirit through his dirty, tired, sad eyes. It's as if by one look he's begging me to do something, anything. But what can I do? I'm nobody special. So much pain, too much pain for one person to fix. I want to give them some spare change but then the words "..they'll just buy booze with the money.." echoes through my head and I stop myself. Why am I so quick to judge? And then I get discouraged before I even try, and I do the only thing I know how to do, I pray. I pray God into their lives, and I thank God for everything I have, and I drive away.

But more and more lately it's been pressed upon my heart.
Maybe it's just the holidays? I don't know..
But I feel like the praying is just not enough. It's good and it's necessary, and I will never stop. But I want to do more. I want to do something..
I am reminded of God's words in Matthew 23:40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ And isn't that what it's all about? Reaching people for Jesus? Being Jesus in the flesh?
Maybe my attitude is all wrong. No, there's no maybe about it.
He doesn't call us to necessarily fix the problems, for we could never do that. That's HIS job. But he calls us to help. To be his hands, his feet, his light and his love in this world. "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

I don't know how I'm going to help or if I'll ever 'change the world', but one thing I do know is that I want to try. I can't just sit idle and do nothing.
God has a plan for my life and that is to fulfill HIS plan.
What are you waiting for?

Funny things kids say

2010-11-12T06:43:00.001-08:00

Me (to Rebekah): Do you want mommy to have another baby?!?
Rebekah: (shakes head no)
Me: No? Why not!?
Rebekah: (looks at Daddy) Because Daddy already has a baby in his belly!
Russel: (blank stare at me--crickets in background)

oh-my-gosh!
I would be lying if I told you I didn't almost pee my pants. I laughed so hard I cried. Russel didn't find as much amusement in her statement.

And needless to say Daddy is even more so invested in his weight loss efforts at this current time. And I had to explain to Rebekah that boys don't have babies. She wanted to know why. I told her that only girls can have babies, that God made it that way. Seemed to be a good enough answer for her. But then she told me "well then i'm not marrying a boy, i'm marrying a GIRL!"

........

Someone please pray for me.
I informed her she cannot marry a girl. She wanted to know why not to that as well. I told her God said we can only marry boys. So she said she's NOT getting married.
(fingers crossed)

T-H-R-E-E

2010-11-08T16:13:00.000-08:00

It's official, you're 3!
But according to you, you're most definately 6. That's what you say every time someone asks! = ) And I'll give you one thing, you may not technically be 6 yet but you sure do act as though you are, so you're half right. Oy vey. Bless my little heart.
You are years ahead of your time in so many ways, brains and behavior. You definately keep me on my toes.
Ironically enough you were my easiest birth, and my easiest baby, but my hardest toddler.
Regardless, you are downright amazing.
You are smart.
You are wonderful.
You are beautiful.
And you are the littlest love of my life indeed.
I had no idea what God had in store for us when he blessed us with you, but you have been nothing short of a blessing.
I look forward to watching you learn and grow into the little girl you are so boldly becoming.

I love you baby girl! <3

I love them more than chocolate...

2010-10-30T22:09:00.000-07:00

I love my kids.
Doesn't the title just about sum it up?
I mean come on, you all KNOW how much i love chocolate, right?
But seriously...
I probably don't say it enough. Scratch that- I DON'T say it enough.
Not how much i love chocolate, how much i love them.
I tell them...all the time. But to everyone else? Probably not.
I sure complain enough about how hard it is, this being a mom thing.
Although I prefer to call it brutal honesty...
But I don't talk enough about the other side of it that I feel.
The completely intoxicating and overwhelming love that I have in my little girls.

Like this one..

She's pure sunshine.
That smile...it fills my heart. It's always there to brighten my day, just when I need it the most.
The way she loves, it's magical.
I could learn a thing or two from her.
She sees the beauty in everything. Broken pieces of glass or rocks, they aren't what you think, they are treasure. Holey leaves aren't damaged, they are amazing. Dandelions aren't weeds, they are beautiful flowers that she picks just for me.
And she sees the beauty in me, although I'm more than incredibly flawed.
I love her much more than chocolate, I love her more than any word in the English dictionary could describe.
But still I fail her.
And it breaks my heart.
But then she looks up at me with that smile, as if I never did anything wrong, wraps her little arms so tightly around me and proclaims "I love you so much, you're the best mommy in the whole world".
My heart breaks again.
Then I am reminded of God's unconditional and amazing love for us. For me. Though I am imperfect. And I thank him for his still, strong voice, spoken through my little girl. The precious gift he gave to me. ME. Surely I didn't deserve it, but he thought enough of me to think that I did.

And this one...

My Madelyn, God how I love her.
Those piercing blue eyes, I could swim in them. I even asked her if I could have them and she said no. =)
She's turning 3 next week (gasp) and her personality has just started to blossom this past year, and boy does she have a big personality.
She's fire and ice, that one.
Terrible 2's has over worn it's welcome in our house, let's just put it that way.
Everyday I watch her navigate through this world, through her emotions and her feelings, trying to find out who she is.
She's more quiet, shy, and reserved. Until she lets you in.
But through her tough exterior I see love.
With her little hugs, kisses and more and more I love you's everyday, she melts my heart.
"Cozy me, mommy" she'll say. God how I wish I could box them up and keep them this little forever.
How on earth did I get this lucky...

More pumpkins!!

2010-10-22T10:03:00.001-07:00

I told you I love the pumpkin patch, so we took the girls again last night since our trip to Roloff farms ended with no pumpkins and too much harsh light to get any great pictures. It was fun and so much more relaxed, I'm glad we went!

As you know you gotta pose in all the cut outs...

And the girls gotta pick out their baby punkins...

And why not have a tractor race!

And i gotta take pictures of pretty sunflowers...

You gotta see how big you are compared to last year...

We lasso'd some bulls.. (or Bekah did)

We jumped off bales of hay...

We posed in the apple orchard for a cute pic...

And of course you gotta have that PERFECT pumpkin patch picture, and I believe we got it! heehee

It was a great evening and we topped it off with dessert BEFORE dinner, which the girls LOVED! We didn't carve the pumpkins yet, but we will probably do that Sunday night. Stay tuned!

Roloff Farms

2010-10-22T09:21:00.001-07:00

It's been a busy couple months and i haven't really sat down to blog. So for anyone who has been anxiously awaiting my posts (yeah right-haha) I'm terribly sorry.

Bekah is LOVING school. And she's doing great. She's learning sign language and over the past week or so she's started reading. Not actual books yet, but words and signs. And we'll sit and write out words and short sentences for her on the doodle pro and she is reading that. So it'll be no time before she's reading a book! I can't believe it. I'm such a proud mom.

Maddie is just..Maddie. She's giving me a run for my money lately, I'll just leave it at that. : ) But I love her! She's getting so big, it's crazy. She's turning 3 in just a couple weeks. Where did the time go?!

Russel celebrated his 30th birthday last weekend. I threw a surprise party for him with all our friends from church and small group. We had a good time! I suck and didn't snap any pictures! (sigh) Don't get angry, I didn't have a lot of time between him leaving and everyone coming in and getting in place and decorating real quick!
But other than that we've just been enjoying what's left of the sunshine, because the gloom and doom is just around the corner, I can feel it creeping in. :(

I love the fall time here, the weather feels great and everything is so beautiful. We've taken a couple trips to the pumpkin patch over the last week, that's my favorite fall thing to do. The girls always have such a blast. First we went to Roloff Farms. If you watch TLC's Little People Big World you will know what that is. And I saw Mrs. Roloff herself! It was a nice farm, but verrrry busy, as you could imagine, and for the hour drive there and back, wasn't quite worth it in my book. We didn't buy pumpkins there, the lines were so long but I snapped some photos, the girls rode a pony, fed some goats, and we walked through some pumpkin house like 6 times, Maddie loved it. She kept asking to go in the scary house again!

Mama Roloff!

Maddie's first pony ride!

I even managed to get in a couple pictures again. I'm working on it..

Kindergarten

2010-09-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

It's here.
Kindergarten.
Oh my!
And like every other single milestone in my children's life, it's come all too quickly.

I don't even know why I'm surprised anymore. My mom warned me this would happen. But I guess you just don't really accept it until it happens to you. And then you become one of 'those' parents warning other parents to "cherish the times you have because they go so fast". Ugh.

She's been so excited. I've even really been excited too! I got emotional at her open house, but I was able to control myself thank goodness. And I was certain that this morning it would be MUCH worse. But really the anticipation was much worse than the actuality. Probably mainly because I had a friend there to keep my mind off of it. If she wasn't there I KNOW i for sure would have been a mess.

My little girl is now a big girl!
My big Kindergartener. :(
I can't wait to hear about her first day!

with her buddy Rachel outside their classroom

tired of posing for pictures?

Happy first day of school!!

I have a dream...

2010-08-27T09:02:00.001-07:00

I have a dream of owning our own home. Our FIRST home.
Daydream with me now. I see a beautiful older home, character spilling out of every nook and cranny. A picket fence may or may not be involved. Beautiful landscaping, big, old trees with a tire swing ready for swinging. A huge front porch that just begs for you to sit on it and drink lemonade. Big windows, chunky molding, wood floors throughout the house. A kitchen with enough room to move around comfortably, a big island in the center, big chunky cabinets, granite counters, stainless steel appliances...
I could go on forever.
I have had MANY years to daydream about this house.
I have wanted to buy a house since the first year we got married; we've been married almost 9 1/2 years.

Instead we are seasoned renters. We have spent the last 10 years hopping from rental to rental, never in one place more than a year. And let me tell you it's pretty much impossible (or pointless) to make your 'house' a home, when you can barely unpack all the boxes and hang up pictures before you're moving again. It's quite disheartening.
The longest we've ever lived anywhere is here.
Ironically we had to move 3k miles away to find stability, something I've been craving for so long.
We lived in our last home for 2 years and were asked to move so that our landlord could sell. Now we live here, and I love it and this is where we plan on staying for at least 2-3 more years. But it's still hard for me to unpack all the boxes, hang up all the pictures or heaven forbid paint the walls...because i'm always afraid we are going to have to leave. And what's the point?!

We passed up home ownership to instead join the military. Sometimes a decision I wish we hadn't made, but I try not to live my life with any regrets. I am absolutely blessed beyond belief and every decision we have made, good, bad or indifferent, we have made together and it has brought us here. I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world.
However, I still want to own my own home.
Ain't nothing shakin' that dream folks!

Looking back, buying a home 9 years ago would have been a mistake. Not in and of itself, but in retrospect.
I don't know if we had bought a home instead of joining the military, if things would have been different for us, but if they hadn't...it would have been a bad move! If you know us well, you know everything we've been through and all of it is centered around financial hardship. And yes, I know many people that are going through financial hardship own homes, but for me the two just don't go hand in hand. I want to enjoy my home, not for it to be a burden.
And unfortunately that's what it would have been.
We lost so many things over the years, and i know, a home would have been added to that list. I know it's all just material, but...it's still hard.

We made stupid choices.
And I don't like to say that.
I don't like to feel like it's my fault, our fault.
And because honestly I don't feel like the choices we made were that stupid.
Sure we had credit cards, who doesn't, right? Or at least that's what you're made to believe. It's a way of life. It's just what you do. And yeah, we bought into that trap just like most everyone else. But at the time, it was under control. We were paying on them, paying them off. It was under control. Or so we thought.
We had no control over the fact that we would lose our job, thus making us unable to pay those credit cards, and it all spirals out of control SO fast.
Boy did we learn our lesson.

Because of everything we've been through and because we would like to own a home the 'right' way we have decided to live a debt free lifestyle.
We have spent the last 2 years paying for everything in cash. Yes that meant that we didn't get a lot of things, but what needed we paid for and it's ours. It feels really good. We put ourselves on a tight budget and we stick to it 98% of the time. Meaning we are not so strict that we don't allow ourselves to eat out occasionally or spend a few bucks here and there. But we plan for big purchases and that's that.
It's not an easy life to live.
I sometimes want to throw my hands up in the air and say "screw it all, let's go shopping!" lol. But...I don't.
If all goes as planned, God willing, we will be 100% debt free by the beginning of 2013.
We will owe not a single soul!
I can't imagine a free-er feeling than that!
Then we plan on spending the following year living the same exact way and saving every single penny for a down payment on a house.
The house we've been waiting for for so long.
The house of our dreams.
And I'm so excited that we can finally see an end in sight!

It hasn't been an easy road.
It's taken a lot of sacrifice, dedication and prayer to get to the place where we are at today. But it's possible. You just have to jump in with both feet and make the decision to do it no matter what. It's possible!
In two years I will be living the life I've always wanted to live, and I couldn't be happier!

Now back to daydreaming...

Behavior

2010-08-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

Raising children is hard work...can i get an AMEN?!
And it's a miracle my children have survived. HAHA.

I kid..

I think I've done a pretty decent job at this parenting thing, even though I was thrown into it fully unaware of what I was getting myself into. Hehem. But I guess, aren't we all?

As a mom, and as a parent, being the perfectly flawed individual that I am, sometimes I find it an incredibly daunting task to make sure these little gifts from God turn out the way he would want them to. Please don't take that the wrong way, i LOVE my children, but it's a huge responsibility we've been given!

Thankfully the Lord has seen fit to bless me with two really well behaved children.

Notice I didn't say perfect children, just well behaved. And not all the time mind you, but for the most part, and most importantly when it matters. I like to think that's because I was not blessed with patience, sorry, that's the honest to God truth! Therefore ill behaved children+a mommy with zero patience=recipe for disaster! LOL.

But like I said, even my well behaved children occasionally still behave "badly". I have to remind myself they are as well flawed and not as perfect as they come out seeming and looking. And I am always looking for ways to teach them and positively correct their behavior. Enter in this AWESOME idea I came across today, while reading one of my favorite blogs. A behavior chart!

Uh duhhh Kristen, why didn't you think of this yourself? Some of the simplest ideas just never come to me! I AM blonde, I have my moments. :) And please ignore my drawing skills. Yes, that's a mouth. Yes, that's an ear. And YES, that's a hand with a really awkward thumb. Don't judge.

The purpose of this chart is to reward my children for their good behavior. Showing love to your sister (sharing/playing nicely), nice words, listening/obeying mommy and daddy and using your hands for good. Each of the girls will get a sticker every time they do one of the above things, rewarding them for that behavior. 10 stickers on any one behavior gets you a surprise. What that surprise will be I have not yet decided. I am really excited to start this with them! I'll let u know how it goes. I also have another idea that I plan to implement for chores and saving/tithing their money, and when I put that into practice I will let u know what that is!

A First

2010-08-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

Somebody lost her first tooth! And if you can't tell by the picture below she's just a tad bit excited about it. She's been waiting for it to fall out and it finally did tonight while she was on the webcam with my mom. It was so funny. She was in the middle of saying "See, it doesn't fall out when i do this.." and out it popped! And she was even so excited that she wanted to go to bed tonight, 20 minutes early at that.

So the tooth fairy will be paying her first ever visit to the Beaty household tonight, woo hoo!

Maddie is also now anxious to lose her first tooth just like big sister. She's been walking around wiggling her teeth, because she sees Bekah doing it and tonight right after Bekah's fell out she said "Take mine out too mommy!" So precious. My babies are growing up. *tear

Bugs can be beautiful

2010-07-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

It really amazes me how beautiful things are if you look really closely.
I know I am very guilty of taking God's handiwork for granted. But it really is true, if you choose to see it you can find beauty just about anywhere. For me I always find beauty through the lens of my camera...so inspiring.

These little beauties hang out in the bushes in our backyard. I've always wanted to photograph them but they are quick and I don't have the perfect lens to do it quite yet. But I thought i'd give it a shot and work with what I got for now.

Have I mentioned how much i LOVE living here?!

Summertime is...

2010-07-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

sunshine

water balloon fights

bubbles

walks around the lake

splash parks

outdoor exercise

sunshine and beautiful flowers

pools

and popsicles with friends

we ♥ summer! and it's just begun!!

Someone's turning 5!!

2010-07-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it...you're turning 5. In just a little over 24 hours you will no longer be a baby, or a toddler anymore, you will be a little girl. And I'm already crying, just typing the words.

Watching you grow has been so many things, so many happy things, but for me it's also sad. From the minute you were born I wanted to hold you and never let you go. I remember watching you, holding you in my arms and having the overwhelming desire to just have you inside of me again, where you were safe, where you would stay little, perfect, innocent, where i could protect you always. But the irony in being a parent is that that's what you have to do. God gives you this precious soul to help protect for 9 shorts months, and then he lays her in your arms to give to him. He puts her into the world and asks you to raise her to one day walk away. I don't ever want to let you go. You are my heart and my soul. And every year it's hard, but this year is the hardest by far, because I know that very soon you will be taking your very first steps away from me. How bittersweet.

I write one of these letters every year, it's tradition, so what can I say that I haven't already said a million times? Rebekah, you are AMAZING. You are the light of my life. There isn't a day you don't put a smile on my face. Your smile, your laughter, it's contagious. The happiness you radiate is overwhelming. God put you on this earth to make other's happy, I'm convinced of it. We are so blessed to have you in our life. You are so full of life, so full of love, so full of personality, and I'm so happy that you are you.

My heart swells with pride for you as I watch all you accomplish and think about all the things you WILL accomplish. 5 is such a milestone, such a big deal! You are soo excited! In a few short months you will be starting Kindergarten, you will be losing your first tooth, and you will be learning about the world outside of this home that your father and I have built for you. The world where there are so many parts I wish I could hide from you. But I trust God and I am excited for the journey you have ahead, it's going to be quite a ride. It's already been quite a ride. Parenting is so hard, but a gift i cherish more than anything. I cherish YOU more than anything. You teach me so much everyday. About God, about myself, about you, about the world. You're such a precious, precious sweet soul and I pray that that never changes.

Happy 5th birthday, baby!! I know you hate it when I call you that because you proclaim loudly every time, "I am NOT a baby, I am a big girl!" :) So sassy and opinionated, that's my girl.

I love you to the moon and back,
Mommy

Happy 4th of July

2010-07-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

We had a fun 4th of July. Nothing spectacular, this year. No parades or late nights for us, we just stayed at home and cooked out with some friends in the afternoon. Russel cooked ribs on the grill for the first time and they turned out WONDERFUL. Then in the evening we did sparklers with the girls. They are still young and are usually in bed LONG before it gets dark here, so we thought a parade might not be too good of an idea this year. We let them stay up later than usual, but they still only made it to about 9:00 before they started falling asleep on the couch. It was an exciting 4th of July with the Beaty's, let me tell you! Better luck next year. Here are the pics of the girls (and Daddy) playing with sparklers.

Ignore the HORRIBLE picture of me. It was a long day, lol. I look half dead but had to jump in a pic anyways

A visit with Nana:

2010-07-16T09:19:00.001-07:00

I got behind again--SORRY!
This is my attempt to play catch up.
Like a month's worth of catch up, so I'm pretty sure i'll forget something.
And i'm pretty sure my mother will let me know. She's the blog police. :D

Anyways..
Here we go. Entry #1.

June 5-12, Nana visits!
The girls had a blast, as usual. We played, we ate, we walked the lake, we napped, we colored, we shopped, we went to the zoo, the park, the fair, we blew bubbles, we took pictures and we had a ton of fun.

Doesn't this pizza look GOOOOD!? ::drools::

Look! It's me!! I like to make an occasional appearance :)

We love it when Nana visits and can't wait for her to come back!!!
Love you Nana! ♥

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Parenting: the most selfless and under appreciated job on the planet but by far the most important job that ever existed. And to be a parent is such a gift!

I have had the honor of having three rockin' father's in my life. And if you've had (or haven't) had a awesome father in your life you know that just being blessed with ONE is amazing enough, let alone getting to know three of them!

To my daddy, a great father, role model and all around wonderful man.
We lost him, the world lost him, way too soon and I miss him more every day. He loved to hunt, and he had a passion for gardening/landscaping. He loved the outdoors, whether it was the mountains, the woods, or the beach. And he LOVED his family! He was stubborn and sarcastic, quiet but extremely goofy. He would do anything for anyone he loved without thinking twice. He was the hardest worker I've ever known, and he provided so much for us. He set such an example for me as to what a MAN should be, what a husband should be, and what a father should be. He wasn't perfect, but he didn't have to be. Happy Father's Day Daddy! I miss you!

To my husband, although he's not my father, he's the father to my children and let me tell you God picked me a good one and I'm ever so thankful. He's only been a father for almost 5 years now, so he's new to the gig and and doing a great job at it! He adores our children and they adore him. I've never met a more wonderful man in all my life. He has patience in leaps and bounds, and he is loving and considerate and kind. He works hard for our family and the girls are so lucky to have him in their life. I look forward to watching him grow into the kind of father i knew mine to be, the kind of father i know he will be. And that one day our girls will honor and be thankful and grateful that God blessed them with the man that they call Daddy.

And most important my Father in heaven.
The Father that sits in the sidelines and is the most under appreciated of all father's. They aren't even really in the same category other than the titles they share. My life wouldn't be the same without Him, i wouldn't EXIST without Him. Talk about love, he IS love. Talk about sacrifice, he defines the word! I had an amazing father, my daughters have an amazing father, but HE is the most amazing of them all!

Happy Father's Day!

Bye bye pre-school, hello kindergarten!

2010-06-01T09:49:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago Rebekah finished up pre-school. Such a milestone. Her school (which is also our church) had a kindergarten graduation for the kindergarten class and the other pre-school classes put on performances for the parents. It was adorable! It was an emotional evening for me, but I held it together for the most part. :) I teared up when they put on a video showing pics of all the kids, OF COURSE. Video's always get me. Add in a few pictures of my children and you'll just have to mop me off the floor! Then i cried when the kindergarten class came out in their little caps and gowns to the graduation march. I didn't even know any of those kids! LOL. So let me tell you, I'm in trouble if they do something like that for Rebekah's class next year. BIG. TROUBLE.

Here are a few pics of our evening, starting with a picture of Rebekah and Madelyn before we left for her program. I don't have enough pictures of them. ;) Sorry.

Here they come!

I see her back there...

Fingers in her mouth-typical!

Hey baby! I love that smiling face *melting*

Going on stage for their performance.

I wish I had a better view! Luckily Daddy was standing in the back, center, video-ing it. Can you see her waving at me from the stage (tear) my baby..

Last time playing with all her school friends!

Goodbye pre-school, and hello kindergarten!
The adventure starts!

Friends

2010-06-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

Friends are hard to make when you're an adult. Can i get an amen?!
Especially when you move across country. Hehem, sound familiar?! It takes a little time. Adults are jaded and judgemental. We put up walls. You have to warm up to each other, you have find that common bond. But when you're a kid, it's easy as pie! I love how kids are so innocent and trusting and it just flows out of them and they can't even pretend to be anything but. They don't hold back, they jump in with everything they have, both feet first and just...love.

I watched in amazement this weekend while Rebekah met two little girls next door, one who is 4 (almost 5) as well and who coincidentally shares the same name as her, different spelling. You should have heard her squeal of excitement as she proclaimed "MOMMY! HER NAME IS REBECCA TOO!" It was very cute. They immediately started playing and any chance they had all weekend long they were out back, having a blast. Holding hands, hugging, and seemingly already the best of friends. They even colored Rebekah pictures that night and left them on the door for her to get the following morning. So sweet. Made my heart happy.

Plant killer--update

2010-06-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

Yea, so remember my post on growing a pepper and tomato plant? Yea...
Well, as predicted, those poor little plants did not survive. Not a single one of them!
(marigold's included)

It's official, i'm a murderer!
:(

But to my defense we were moving right after we got them and in all the madness of packing, cleaning, painting, they didn't get re-potted and instead got neglected in their little containers on the front porch with only sunlight and very, very little water to survive off of.

So sad.

BUT..Rebekah brought home a little Marigold plant from school a month or so ago and I AM happy to report that it has stayed alive. We re-potted it and it's on the back porch enjoying the sunshine and LOTS of water. Hip hip hooray!

Don't judge me...
You know you've killed a plant or two in your lifetime!
Haven't you?

I take pictures of everything...

2010-04-26T18:38:00.000-07:00

Are you seriously going to take my picture right now?

You really are! Can't a girl eat her yogurt in peace?

Ok, well, you asked for it!

Plant killer!!

2010-04-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

See my new babies? Aren't they cute?

I got them at the Ag Fest yesterday, and i'm on a mission to help them grow! I hope I don't kill them. :( You see, I don't have a very green thumb, unfortunately. I can keep kids alive and even a cat, but plants...no such luck! That's too difficult for me, for some reason. Yipes!

I've always wanted a garden. Well, not always, but...for awhile now. And not so much that I actually did anything about it, but it was a good thought to have. What supermom would be complete without her own garden to tend? And I really do like the thought of growing some of your own produce, save on the old grocery bill and all. But that's as far as I ever got with the notion. Then we went to the Ag fest and the kids could plant things and it was free so why the heck not! All I really gotta do is transplant them and feed them and pray that they survive. Lol. Is that all?!

So here goes nothing, I'll keep you guys posted. I KNOW you're on the edge of your seat with this one. Hah! Oh and we also came home with these:

Marigolds! My babies planted those too. Awwwww...
The lady said they are easy to care for, they don't need a huge pot and you just give em sunshine and water and they won't get too big, so we'll see. And I am also adopting some baby peas from my friend this weekend as well. She pawned them off on me, she had too many and I thought I needed them for some reason. I don't even eat peas! BLECK! But Russel does and the girls eat them out of a can, so heck, why not!? While I'm killing things and all. :)

Wish me Luck!

Silly Willy

2010-04-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

Today Maddie had the silly willies...

Did I ever mention how dreadfully much I love her!?!

Lessons Learned

2010-04-13T09:02:00.001-07:00

I don't like change, I like predictability.
I find it extremely hard to tolerate a something or someone who is not dependable. I close to loathe it actually.
And I am VERY much a creature of habit.
I load the dishes the same, exact way every single time without fail.
I do not do anything without previously planning to do so, except on rare occasion.
Fly by the seat of pants I am not.
I have cut my hair maybe 5 times in my entire 29 years of life. I find it easier to just keep the same style that I know (which is NO style, btw) then possibly cut it off and HATE it and have it take forever to grow back.
When I go to a restaurant that we frequent I order the same thing that I always get because I know it's good and why mess with that? What if I order that dish off the menu and it's gross? Then I'll have to pay for it and I won't like it!
I do not take risks and I do not act out of impulse.
I follow my head, not my heart, in most cases.
I stick to the straight and narrow, the path that I know and that is worn and familiar.
I guess you would call me BORING.
So when life throws changes my way, I freak out!
I mean, I do NOT deal with it well.
Major stress...

Along with being boringly predictable I also have this insanely annoying need to be (or feel) in control of something or a situation.
Now don't get me wrong, i'm not controlling to the degree that I am impossible to live with or deal with controlling everyone and everything around me. I just like things a certain way and when they aren't...I just don't know what to do. Because that's definately not how I planned things to be.
But guess what?
In spite of all my efforts to remain on top it all I'm not in control. Like, never in fact. Because you know who is? GOD is.
Is this news to me? Of course not. But have I always willingly conceded that fact? Unfortunately not.
I mean, I know he's in control, but I have never let him have control. Those are two very totally different things. TRUST ME.
Because I guess for me, personally, giving up control meant being weak.
And I am anything but weak! Psht!

The past two years of mine and my families life has been a test of obedience to God. And trust me, it hasn't been easy. But it also hasn't been as hard, as I thought if that makes any sense.

Beginning of 2008 we did something, as a couple and individuals, that we have never done in our spiritual journey. We gave something completely to God: Our future! Instead of taking it into our own hands and deciding what WE wanted to do, we prayed. And we waited. We seeked him and we asked God what HE wanted. And if you've never done that, I suggest you do. Don't get me wrong, it was hard, and it was scary, and for someone who craves control and has zerrrooo patience, it was at times excrutiating. But at the same time it was surprisingly...FREEING! I have never felt such confidence and peace in my entire life about anything. When we made the choice to move 3,000 miles from home away from everything we ever knew, it was the hardest yet easiest choice we ever made. We knew with 100% confidence that it was the RIGHT decision, because we watched as God opened every single door with his own hands, through no work of our own. We watched as God provided us with the life that we had been waiting for and praying for, for years. And we watched as he blessed us beyond what we thought we'd ever be blessed.

I had given God my heart when I was 12, but giving up control of my life!? Walking blindly and letting HIM direct my paths? Never. I am 100% ashamed to admit that I had rarely, if ever, consulted with God on one, single decision that I made. Don't get me wrong, I loved him, I believed in him and had faith in who he was, I lived my life so that he would be proud, I prayed, I cried for help, I asked why, but I gave myself the control, not HIM. And what's sad is that I didn't even realize I was doing it until recently. But you know what's amazing?

HE WAITED.
He loved me regardless and unconditionally.
He waited patiently for me to figure it out on my own.
He opened his arms and showed me that he is GOD.
That I could never mess up so much that he wouldn't be there.
That he wants what's best for me, always has, always will.
Just like a parent, he had to sit back and painfully watch me make my life difficult, in order for me to one day finally open my eyes and see what was in front of me all along. All those times I cried to him, he wasn't ignoring me.
Did he want to sweep in? Oh, i'm sure. Could he have changed things for me at any time? Absolutely. But then I wouldn't have learned...Ouch! Such a humbling lesson to learn.

And you know what, life is still hard, just not as hard. Not when you have hope. Not when I finally have the peace within myself of knowing that it's not in my control and that even though it might not always work out as we plan, it's HIS plan and it WILL be ok, in the end. Giving up control is a daily struggle for me, still to this day. But there is no better place to be than on your knees.
And I expect that life will still throw us curve balls from time to time.
He didn't promise us that we wouldn't have pain, he promised us that we would have HOPE.

Two months ago we found out that Russel was losing his job.
The job that we moved 3k miles away for. The job that HE provided almost 2 years ago, he was now taking away? It just didn't make sense. I immediately went into familiar territory. Freak out mode. Oh my god, what are we going to do? We have no one here, our "safety net" was 3k miles away. What if he can't find another job, what if we can't feed our kids....This is NOT the economy to be faced with this.." Freak out mode! Then I realized what I was doing and I did the only thing I know how to do, I prayed. A LOT. And I don't know if you've ever wondered if God gets tired of hearing you pray, but I sure do. Because the only way a former control freak can try to get over being a control freak is to pray any and every single time she tries to control the situation. But I was immediately filled with peace about the situation and a familiar verse came to mind.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own". Matthew 6:25-34

Why am i freaking out, he's got this! So I prayed. And I gave it to him.
I acknowledged that he gives and he takes away. That he is the all knowing.
And if he takes this job away it's only because he has something better in store. And I prayed for him to provide in HIS time and HIS will. Lead us where he wants us to go.

Of course this ushered in a lot of confusion and doubt. Was this really where he wanted us to be, or did we just want this and just assume he did? Maybe it was just a stepping stone, like we thought? Is this our chance to finally move closer to home? Etc, etc.

So Russel became proactive in looking for jobs. Texas, Florida, Georgia, Colorado, North Carolina, South Carolina. Resumes, resumes, resumes. Praying, praying, praying. "Lord reveal yourself...where do YOU want us to be?" Waiting, waiting, waiting...

And Russel gets an email from someone he drills with for a job opening in Portland.
Oregon? Really? You want us to stay here God? Point taken.
So he applies.
He gets an interview immediately. They scheduled his 2nd and 3rd interview at the same exact time. Then he gets a 4th. And we wait some more..
Then we find out that we have to move, the landlord wants to sell his house.
Jobless? Homeless? Freaking out againnnnnnnn...
Praying some more.
Two months later we find out Russel got the job. HE GOT THE JOB!
In this economy where people try so hard everyday to find a job, God provided. He proved that HE is bigger than this economy. And we found a new home and will be moving May 1st!
And it's amazing how you can still be truly amazed by God even when you completely trust in him.

I'm excited for the plans that God has for us.
I'm excited for what else he's going to reveal.
WE are truly blessed, beyond belief and can't wait to share the rest of our story with you as God lays it out for us!

Personalities

2010-03-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

Personalities are funny.
Well, not funny haha, although some definately are. I mean just funny as in different, and it's funny how everyone's are SO different.

Take me and Russel for instance. We couldn't be more different if we tried. To name a few, he's very left brained, I'm more right. He's known to be more patient, me...not so much. He's technical, I'm creative. He's very go with the flow and I like things planned and structured. He likes to have the toilet paper ON the holder, I like to sit it on top of it, and one of the most important differences is that I'm ALWAYS right and he's always WRONG! :) haha jj

And I'm starting to notice my daughters personality traits come out more and more as they get older. It's neat to see what they get from each parent. I see a LOT of me in them sometimes (which is very, very scary) and many little pieces of Russel as well. I would prefer they take after him.

Rebekah is and has always been so much more like her Daddy in most ways. She's very happy go lucky. Always smiling, always laughing. Very photogenic. She has the BEST easy going personality. She's playful and she's a free spirit. She has to be going, going, going. Doing, doing, doing. She doesn't focus on one task for a very long period of time before she's reading to move onto the next. CLASSIC RUSSEL BEHAVIOR! But she's very smart. She's also very loving and kind. Of course a couple exceptions can be made in that area as of late regarding her and Madelyn. They butt heads more often than not lately, so it seems. What she gets from me is her attitude. She's extremely opinionated and isn't afraid to tell you what she thinks. She has a very expressive face. She can kill you with a look! LOL She tends to be emotional. She's timid and shy until she gets comfortable with people or a situation. And where she's extremely loving, it's more so with her words than with her actions. She isn't very physically affectionate most the time.

Madelyn on the other hand, up to this point has been hard to read. She just turned 2 in November so her personality is still newly forming and revealing itself. Madelyn is a very quiet very serious child. Polar opposite from Rebekah. She is a couch potato, she LOVES the tv and she rarely plays with her toys unless prompted. She HATES having her picture taken and will avoid looking at the camera 98% of the time. Grrr. She is very sweet and loving as well though, and she's just like her daddy in that she is very physically affectionate. She will hug and kiss and cuddle you to death. She takes after me in that she has a stubborn streak. She is whiny and opinionated as well and she very much likes things HER way. But up to this point she has been a very well behaved and mostly easy going child. She usually does what she's told without much argument, so I'm curious to know when that's going to change. lol Something else about her personality i've noticed over the past few days is she's very particular and precise. She was playing with dominoes and lining them up in a straight line and when she colors she's very careful and stays in the lines, using one crayon at a time and then lining them up in a almost perfect line afterwards. That reminds me a lot of myself. I'm very much a perfectionist and like things a certain way. Neat and orderly. Anal retentive might be more the word. Rebekah scribbles and just does everything very nilly willy.

So I'm very curious what this all says about them. If they'll be more left brained, like their daddy, or more right brained like me? Or maybe a combination of both. Only time will tell I guess!

Spring has Sprung

2010-03-20T20:17:00.000-07:00

This week the weather has been absolutely BEAUTIFUL and we've been trying to soak it in as much as possible because as you know in Oregon, the sun never lasts for too long! It's so funny, all of a sudden it's like people come out of hybernation. (or is that just me?) You see people taking walks, the parks are slam packed, people are out washing their cars, cutting their grass, and the smell of bbq is in the air! You'd think we'd all been holed up in our houses for months and months on end. Oh, wait...WE HAVE! (or again, is that just me?)

:(

So anyways, today we took a drive up to Detroit Lake. We've never been. Russel drives through on the way to Bend all the time. Another place I've never been, hehem. Russel.

Oh who am i kidding, he doesn't read this blog! Does anyone read this blog???

Anyways, it's beautiful up there, but sad to say the lake isn't much of a lake, just yet. So we'll be going back this summer to really enjoy it. Then we went back to the capitol, it's so pretty there. I just snapped some pics and we enjoyed the sunshine for a little bit before heading back home.

Here are some shots from our day!

Daddy and his girls at the Detroit Lake Dam

And mommy even made an appearance, LOOK FAST! You won't see it again for awhile :)
Ugh, there's a reason i stay behind the camera...

just some pine cones on a crimmus tree

the girlies sitting in front of the lake, or lack thereof...

The reason I love the capitol so much in the spring. I just lurve the contrast of the pale pink cherry blossoms against the blue sky!

This is the ONLY picture I got of Rebekah for the day, as you'll see

she wasn't interested and was off in a flash to find a "climbing tree" and run in circles...because that's fun apparantly...Oh to be a kid! I love her spirit!

Madelyn is far from my cooperative child, photographically speaking. But today I managed to take mostly pictures of her. I've noticed that lately, going through pictures. One day i'll take all Madelyn, the next time Rebekah, and it kind of goes back and forth that way. I swear I don't favor one child over the other! Only sometimes...when one of them is irritating me....

ok, i'm kidding. Sheesh!

and my favorite from the day!
she's a daddy's girl, that's for sure..

By the end of the day they were exhausted and tired of pictures might i add.
See?! Doesn't make the photographer in me very happy, but totally cracks me up.

Happy Spring Everyone!!!

Perfect Mom

2010-03-05T07:50:00.000-08:00

***Newsflash: I'm NOT a perfect mom!***

I know, sorry to burst your bubble. I know many of you were under that impression. ;)
I want to be though, so that should count for something, right? No? Yeah, that's what i thought too. (insert big sigh here)

I had all these grand aspirations upon birthing my two beautiful perfect angels (yeah right, we'll save that another post) but so far I can't quite reach up to my own standards. How pathetic is that?!
And you know, it's not that i am really deluded enough to think that the perfect mom exists, i'm not really that nieve. There is no perfect human being therefore there can be no perfect mom.

GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD KRISTEN! (smacks hand)

I know it's an impossibly high standard that we as mother's (or just me?) set for ourselves that will neverrrr be met, but still....i expect myself to reach it and when i fail, i feel less than. It doesn't make sense!

What is my *idea of a perfect mom you ask? Ok, I'll tell you. Wait, you didn't ask? Well, i'll tell you anyways.

The perfect mom would...

- wake up everyday before the kids (4:30/5am in this household)
- she would always get dressed, shower AND brush her teeth all in the same day

i know, i've already set the bar too high , but while we are there let's continue..

- she would NEVER let her kids watch endless amounts of television
- she would sit on the floor and play with her children all day
- she would spend at least 1-2 hours a day teaching her children
- there would be LOTS of crafts, library trips and playdates
- she most definately would never yell or lose her cool
- the house would be spotless at all times and perfectly organized
- she would cut coupons and save hundreds of dollars
- she would make her own house cleaners and laundry detergent
- she would buy and feed her family only the healthiest foods
- she wouldn't have to discipline her kids because they would always be obedient and well behaved
- she would be put together at all times
- she would always smile, never complain
- she would never be tired or need a break
- she would never need to ask for help

and last but not least:

- she would never stop doing something because after all something always needs to be done!

There's more, i'm sure there's more, but i think you get the idea.
I have set an impossibly high standard for myself and I'm exhausted just reading those things let alone trying to do them. I could make another very long, detailed list of the kind of mom i really am, and i think i can honestly say that not a single one of those things is on that list. Unfortunately.

But I'll spare you the reading of that pathetic list and instead i will sum it up by telling you that I may not be perfect but I LOVE my children with all my heart and soul. I love them with a love that far surpasses any love i can imagine or explain. They are my world. I live for them, I breathe for them and I exist for them. I drag myself through the day doing everything I can to make sure they have everything they need and even most things they want. I am exhausted and overwhelmed and most days at my wits end but that's ok. I complain and sometimes stomp my feet when they aren't looking (yes, i do that shuddup) but I do it all anyways. I may not know how to be perfect but I do know how to love them. I'm hoping one day I will stop being so hard on myself for the things I don't do and instead praise myself for the things I DO do. But I don't know when and if that day will ever come.

Until then here's to all you Non Perfect moms out there giving it your all! YOU ROCK!

She has him wrapped

2010-02-15T11:56:00.000-08:00

She's a daddy's girl, that's for sure!

Happy ♥ Day!

2010-02-14T03:04:00.000-08:00

I've been blessed with more love in my life than my heart can hold at times.

It's these two beautiful angels that taught me what true, no holds barred, unconditional love really is. And they continue to teach me every single day. My heart overflows!

And this man, who I love more than life. He teaches me so much about love every day as well. I am blessed to have him in my life. He loves me even though I'm not always the easiest to love. (And trust me, I'm not always easy to love..)

And we can't forget God. HIS love is the most important love of all!
"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." ~ Jesus (John 15:13)

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

What do you do in Oregon when...

2010-01-21T15:22:00.000-08:00

...it's 57 degrees and the sun is shining....

...why you put on some really cool outfits, go outside, play a little and...

...break out a Popsicle (or two) of course!...

...We can't wait for spring!!! We're celebrating early!!

♥♥♥

2010-01-13T15:49:00.000-08:00

I could just stare at these faces all day!
Ok, technically I do. But even when I'm not staring at them, I'm choosing to stare at them!
In pictures of course.
I love pictures.

And I love them.
They are the perfect mix of serious, silly and sweet.

My love for them is overflowing and they light up my life!
I am beyond blessed.

Taking a break

2010-01-05T12:13:00.001-08:00

Do you ever feel like you just need a break?
That you want to just step back, into the shadows, and disappear. Hide out for awhile from everyone and everything? I do. Well, most everyone and everything that is. I don't think my kids would let me hide for very long, trust me, I've tried : ) Or Russel for that matter, this house would probably get awfully messy, even though he'll argue the exact opposite. (rolls eyes)

But that's how I've been feeling lately.
I don't know, I guess life has just gotten to me, and I feel extremely beaten down by it and just...tired. No, exhausted is a much better adjective. Exhausted is an adjective, right? It probably isn't and I'm a complete idiot. It's a verb, isn't it? Ugh. Maybe i'll google it later. Ha!

Either way it's hard for me to put into words. But don't worry, I'm not 'depressed' and I don't need to be rushed to the nearest psych ward for testing. My kids haven't driven me completely cuckoo and Russel and I are just fine and trucking right along. I just need a break from other things. Maybe it's the holidays getting me down, or maybe I've just had enough. Whatever it is, I know for certain that I need to take some time for me. Something I've been putting off, oh...my whole life. So I'm taking a step back for a little while. To think. To clear my head. To re-evaluate some things. To seek God. To enjoy my family. And to find myself.

I'm sorry for such a serious blog, but I wanted to explain my absence if I'm not 'around' as much. And I hope to be back real soon!

Goodbye 2009, hello 2010!

2009-12-31T08:12:00.000-08:00

I've never really been big on New Years. It's not that I don't like it, look forward to the oncoming year, or that I don't hold any hope for the future, because I do. It's just that I guess I haven't ever really put much thought into it. Maybe it's because my years haven't been all that bad, so the prospect of a new year wasn't so grand, in that aspect? Don't get me wrong, we've struggled and had really hard and sometimes bad times, but I guess I've just always felt blessed in it, no matter what and thanked God through those times knowing that we were gonna be ok. And I guess being the 'realistic' person that I am I always knew that a new year would still possibly bring the same issues, stresses, occasional hiccups in the road and maybe even heartache. (Or maybe i'm just a negative person! LOL) And i've never been into the celebrating aspect of it. I'm not into staying up til Midnight, no matter what day of the year it is. I like my sleep! :) I can't remember a single year in my entire life where I've "celebrated" new years the traditional way. I might have stayed up til Midnight a time or two, but more so out of obligation to the holiday and my head was definitely on the pillow by 12:01. Yeah I know, i'm a bore. I'm also not big on resolutions. I mean, I've made them before, but never put the commitment into seeing them come to fruition, so...what's the point?! I've just kind of adapted the attitude that God is in control and he knows my hopes and dreams and this is HIS ride, I'm just on it. I like to try and take it one day at a time.

I am, however, always thankful for a new year in that God is blessing me with more time, something that we all take so horribly for granted. A fresh start, new memories, and all the exciting new things that a new year holds in store for me and my family.

2009 was a great year for us. Like I said, we've had our share of hard times throughout the years. If I were to be completely honest there were more hard times than there were easy, so this was definitely our year! We spent all or most of 2008 praying for a change. Praying for blessings beyond our imagination. Praying God's will in our life and in our future. And you know what happened? God answered. If you've never experienced it, it truly is nothing short of amazing to see all your prayers answered and God's will laid out in front of you and knowing you had NOTHING to do with it. And I found that that's what happens when you completely give everything you have over to God and let him do what he does best. Leaving our family and friends was certainly not what I had in mind, but our year started out with a bright new path, and for once God's plan. We made the scary move across the country with a lot of uncertainty but a whole lot of faith. And I haven't been disappointed. It's been hard and sometimes lonely, but I do not regret one bit doing what we did. So instead of resolutions, I make prayers. My prayer for our family for 2010 is that we continue to hold strong in our faith and rely on God to bless us again, beyond our wildest imagination. I pray laughter, love and happiness overflowing. And I pray the same for all of you.

Jack Frost nipping at your nose and SNOW!

2009-12-29T14:06:00.000-08:00

I went out this morning to snap a few pictures of the pretty frost. I haven't been taking pictures in awhile, other than the random snap shot here and there, and it felt good to be a little artistic. I love how beautiful nature is, if you take the time to really look at it instead of taking it for granted.

And this afternoon during nap time it started to snow! First snow of the year. I let Bekah go out for a few minutes since she wasn't napping, as per usual. *sigh I managed to snap a few pictures. She LOVES the snow, she was so excited!

It stopped snowing for a bit, then started up again just in time for Maddie to wake up and see it. Of course she wanted to go out so we got her bundled and sent her out. She kept saying it tickled! So cute.

I thought I still had a couple more years

2009-12-28T05:39:00.000-08:00

"It's not *fay-ah" *fair
"I don't wike ooh"
"You not *fend" *friend
"Go way" (pointing finger)

These are only a few of Madelyn's newly learned phrases.
Thanks Rebekah...
She's talking good, that's for sure. She's putting together phrases and sentences left and right. She cracked me up the other day, when we went to see The Princess and The Frog (cute movie btw) when during a scene in the movie, i don't know which one, but it was totally appropriate, she yelled "Oh snap!" heeheehee

But on a more positive note, she's in deed potty trained!! So it's all not pickles. She wears panties during the day, unless we go out, im not that brave yet. But she stays dry and tells us when she has to go. Even when we are at a place like the movies, which I learned twice, when she waited until the very end to proclaim she had to go, so i missed the ending of one movie and most of another. Sigh. But I can't complain. It's a good thing! We are working on potty training over nap. She refused to wear a pull up yesterday, ripped it off of herself and yelled to me to come get it right after I put her down, and...she stayed day. So we'll see. I'm so proud of my big girl! But what a waste of a pull up, those things aint' cheap!

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas. We sure did! Santa did a bangin job this year, Rebekah LOVES her dollhouse. She stays closed in her room for hours on end playing with that thing. Thank you Jesus! :) Maddie's not really a player of toys. She would rather watch tv. Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure to be exact. It's turning into what was for Rebekah, The Little Mermaid. She calls it "Tink-bell wost Twesoooure" I know you love my impersonation of her cute little voice. Just hush. I want to remember these things. They also love their leotards from Nana aka Nonnie. Bekah lives in hers. She will one day be a famous ballerina. And on a totally unrelated but somewhat related note, I'm happy to say, even if it makes me sound like a Grinch, that my tree is finally down. Thank the lord! I can't deal with the mess. Real christmas trees are for the birds. Maybe next year we'll go back to artificial.

Happy Birthday Jesus!!

2009-12-24T19:56:00.001-08:00

Little girls wrestle too

2009-12-16T16:12:00.000-08:00

But as you can tell, Madelyn likes doing the wrestling. She does not like being wrestled. That usually results in lots of whining and grunting. Poor sport. Bekah's such a good big sister! LOL

Potty training update!

2009-12-16T10:01:00.001-08:00

Yup...still at it, for those of you who care :) And I'm not that far gone, I do realize the most exciting news of my days are usually this little girl's successes, and many child related happenings. But for those of you with actual lives...well, I know it's probably rather pathetic for you to have to read this. SORRY!

Anyways, we are on day 9 (i think) of actively potty training. The days are starting to run together. And where I'm very ready for this part of our journey to be over, I'm not yet tired of seeing little baby nakie buns running around the house ;) She's doing a GREAT job! She has been completely accident free for 3 days now. Before that she was averaging one accident a day, and usually by the end of the day. Where before I was having to ask her every 10/15 minutes if she had to potty, she now tells me before she has to go so that's a big step! I still ask her if she has to go, but just not as much. And more out of paranoia since I don't want her peeing on my couch (again!) LOL.

Potty training is the pits!

2009-12-10T10:26:00.001-08:00

Did i ever tell you how much I hate potty training? No? Well, let me tell you. I hate it! How much, you ask? To which I reply, with the heat from 1,000 burning hells, that's how much i hate it! I exaggerate not.

I have started potty training Madelyn. I introduced her to the potty at about 18 months. She showed no interest in going, but she would always willingly go to the potty and sit there and "try". I just went with it. That's kind of where we've stayed this whole time, until now. I decided since she's 2 we should get the "potty" (har har) started and we have. I currently have a naked 2 year old running around my house all day, but I learned the first time around that pull ups are just expensive diapers so I will only put her in one for nap and bedtime for the time being. So far it's working! She FINALLY went on the potty the other day, which was huuuge, so I could actually start officially training her. She got an M&M for her success and boy was she excited about that. So excited in fact that she sat down and went 2 more times back to back just so she could get two more. :D We are now on day 3 of potty training and it's going, slowly but surely. So far today she has went twice and had ZERO accidents. I'm hoping that this phase in our life will be over quickly so I can end my 4 1/2 year streak of diaper changing. I'm so over it!

Here are a couple cute pics of Maddie from yesterday. She set up camp, totally by herself. She got her little Ikea potty and step stool and set up sippy, toys and books. It was so funny!

Getting in the Christmas spirit

2009-12-05T16:32:00.000-08:00

Getting in the christmas spirit has been really hard for me this year. Truth be told it's been hard the last 5 years, ever since my dad passed away, but it's been really hard this year, being so far away from home. I miss my family! Christmas was always a really big deal. All the holidays were special, but Christmas just brings back lots and lots of good memories. It was also my dad's favorite holiday and I can't help but think a lot about him this time of year, and it's leaving me very nostalgic and sad. I'm working on moving past it because you know, it is what it is. We are in Oregon until we can move closer so you gotta make the best of your situation. I am very thankful for all the blessings God has given us this past year and a half, and Oregon is the main one. Even though I talk so much smack about it. haha And my kids deserve to have a wonderful Christmas, and I want that so badly for them. I want them to have the good memories, like I do.

Today we went to get our Christmas tree. We didn't cut it down this year, it is FREEZING cold out. Thankfully not raining like last year! So we found some that were pre-cut and just as pretty, less work that way. lol. We put it up this afternoon and Rebekah had a lot of fun decorating it! Maddie just kinda stood and watched and handed Bekah all the ornaments and in typical Maddie style, refused to look at the camera for any pictures. That child is so frustrating! Good thing I love her so much :) And now I just pray that I can leave the tree alone and ignore the ocd voices in my head that are screaming, THERE ARE TOO MANY ORNAMENTS IN ONE PLACE--MOVE THEM! I do still have some more ornaments to add to the tree (glass and breakable ones) but i'll do that closer to christmas. I'm already over telling them (cat included) to get away from the stinking tree! I know, what a scrouge. Bahumbug! LOL jj

Ignore the fact that my dining room was never painted. Ugh! I had every intention of taking the living room color and carrying it through into the room but ran out of paint. I'll get around to it...eventually.

So i'm a little behind (again)

2009-11-29T17:59:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know. I am behind on blogging. I have no excuse I guess. I'M SORRY!
But here I am and I am going to try and catch up, so this post might be extra long.

Halloween. We did the customary carving pumpkins with the girls before Halloween, which they didn't care all too much about, to be honest. Daddy even carved a Cinderella pumpkin, what a nice daddy! They just like to watch, they don't like to do the dirty part. I don't either. I just took pictures. LOL

Oops! Knife broke. We've had those knives since we got married (almost 9 years) haha

Bekah thought it was stinky!

And...the finished product! Good job Daddy!

The girls had a blast this year. It was their first time going out!I actually had a blast this year! I haven't been trick-or-treating since I was a kid so experiencing it again through their eyes was great. Rebekah wanted to be a princess, again. So we threw together a last minute princess costume with an outfit she had. Yeah, so, I'm cheap! Madelyn was a ladybug-AGAIN. Borrowed the costume from a friend. Hey, it works. We'll try and be a little more "creative" next year and maybe even Russel and I will dress up. Don't hold me to it! :)

Maddie celebrated her 2nd Birthday on November 6th. i can't believe she's two already!! We had a small birthday party for her at home with a couple of their friends from church. She had a good time, even though in the first picture you see a tear. That's because she wanted to go outside and we wouldn't let her! It's hard being two.

My maddie, so serious.

And that's about it. I have tons more pictures I've taken but I'll save some for another post. Can you believe Christmas is already right around the corner??? I can't! Hopefully I'll remember to blog again soon. Don't worry, my mom will remind me!

Rain, rain go away

2009-10-26T21:24:00.000-07:00

Fall is here!

2009-10-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

So that means it's time for our annual visit to....
THE PUMPKIN PATCH!!
We love taking the girls every year, they have a blast.
And of course I brought my camera to document the trip-DUH!
First we had to pose by the pumpkins and Rebekah's usually very cooperative when it's time to smile for pictures. Madelyn was too busy checking things out. That's a two year old for you!

Managed to track her down for a shot of both of them. Um, girls, why are we leaning?

One more try...No? Ok.
(Psst, Rebekah! Paris called and she wants her pose back!)

And, don't ask, I have no clue what she's doing in this next picture...lol
One won't look, one acts retarded. Yea, that about sums it up!

Moving on.
You know you just have to pose with the wooden cutouts. My girls are so dang cute! I'll take any kodak moment I can get.

So, anyways.
Then we decided to take a stroll through the corn maze. I really was worried we might get stuck in there and never find our way out. Eeeek!

But Rebekah obviously had it covered, teehee.

We even picked a couple apples along the way (or Rebekah did) Huge apples, Gorgeous blonde, awesome photo op!

Then we took a hayride to the pumpkin patch to pick out our pumpkins. Which i DON'T have a picture of btw, how in the heck did I manage to forget those?

But we did measure ourselves to see how tall we are this year, obviously..

And took a few more pictures along the way

All in all it was a great morning. Can't wait to dig into the pumpkin and I'll be sure to take some pictures of that no worries! We hope you're enjoying the fall as much as we are!

Love,
The Beaty's

My Maddie

2009-10-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

Silly and Serious.
Sweet and Stubborn.
23 months old.
I love you little girl!!!

This picture is how I will always remember you.
Thumb in your mouth, big blue eyes, blanket and cozy in hand..
My baby..

i'm boring

2009-10-08T13:28:00.000-07:00

I officially SUCK at blogging. Sorry, but that's the truth.
In my defense though, this has been a crazy couple of months and I have stayed sooo busy and with things just getting back to normal I'm hoping to get back into our normal routine very soon. I promise I will catch back up with the blog!
Until then here are a few pictures of my girlies sitting in the roses when we went to the park the other day. They really do love each other, contrary to how they may act on a daily basis. I ♥ these photos so I had to share!

Also i'm trying something new..LARGER PICTURES! I can't stand baby pictures on a blog, drives me crazy! ::fingers crossed:: I hope this works!

Yay! It worked.
Man, I love those girls...

There once was a girl, who had a little curl..

2009-09-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

We're back from Destin! We had a good time, although it rained the ENTIRE time (minus one and a half days) while we were there. :( That was a bummer! But we stayed on the beach and it was nice to get away and I had fun visiting with Lisa so all in all it was a great trip. I'll blog more about that later.

In my last blog I mentioned some drama surrounding miss Rebekah Grace, so as not to prolong the suspense any longer, here it goes.

.......................

SHE CUT HER HAIR!
Yea. I didn't mistype. I wish I did.
She cut her hair. HER HAIR!
Her long, beautiful, blonde hair!
GONE.
Well, not all of it, but most of it.
Her hair that had never been cut.
((cries))
I blame Russel.
No, not really, it wasn't his fault. He was just the one here when it happened.
*sigh
It was devastating but the shock has wore off and it is hair after all and it will grow back.
I'll just post the pics so you can see...

This was after I cut it even at the bottom, as even as I wanted to attempt to cut it without a professional stepping in and working miracles.

And yes, SHE HAS NO BANGS! She cut all her bangs off! oh dear heavens, whyyyyyyyyyy (fists to air)

When I asked her why she cut her hair, what possessed her to cut off her hair she said "i wanted it short" and "my bangs were in my eyes" REALLY!?! ugggggh
So...that's that.
Our trip is going good, aside from all the rain. As if i don't have to deal with that enough in Oregon, it followed me here! LOL. oh well. a week and a half left and i'm on my way home.

Blog more later!

Fun with Family and Friends

2009-09-12T03:03:00.000-07:00

The trip is going great so far! We are having a blast visiting family and friends. I've managed to stay quite busy which is way different than my normal routine in Oregon where I sit at home all day just me and the girls. I'm pooped! I stretched myself so thin this trip between visiting everyone I want to visit and working. It's stressful, butttt...I've only got a month and I don't know when the next time I'll be home is so it's necessary. I've had 3 photography sessions so far and I have 8 more just the week we get back from the beach. It's exciting! I didn't really expect I'd get so much interest in my photography but what can I say, my friends and family ROCK for letting me get my practice in on them.

We are heading out for Destin this morning to visit my best friend and THE BEACH! Yay! Speaking of which I should be doing something productive to prepare, but..the laundry is washing and I'm almost packed except for what's in the washer/dryer so there isn't really anything to do! (That's what I tell myself) So blogging and facebook it is : )

OH...and we had a little "drama" with Rebekah this past week. I'll blog about that too when we get home! (And i'll add pictures) TTFN!

Traveling Woes

2009-09-04T11:10:00.000-07:00

Traveling with kids is always hard. We haven't done it much, 3 times now to be exact. But the few times we have made me want to pull my hair out! As if I don't want to pull my hair out on a daily basis as it is. How do I even have any hair left? I think actually the prepping for the trip and the anticipation is always much worse (for me) than the outcome, but...still stressful nonetheless. Either way...WE MADE IT TO GEORGIA!!! Praise the Lord! It's such a long trip, but the girls did surprisingly well. I don't know why I say surprisingly, my children are always pretty well behaved so I shouldn't be at all surprised. I guess i'm just a pessimist by nature and I always expect the worse. haha. I'm a stresser. I can't help it, it's who I am. I'm much better now than I used to be though, but that's neither here nor there.

We had to be on our flight at 6:15 am Wednesday morning which means figuring in the hour drive to the airport, parking and dragging everyone to check in, checking in and making it through security in the time you're supposed to be there, we would have to leave the house at 3:30am since we wanted to be at the airport at 4:30. YOWZERS! So, to make our life easier we stayed in a hotel in Portland Tuesday evening. We still had to be up at dang 3 am but we actually scored free parking at our hotel, woo hoo! and got to take the shuttle bus to the airport. That free parking just saved us about $90, thank you Jesus! He's always got our back.

So we were up in time, dressed and in good spirits and everything ran smoothly until...security. Rebekah. Rebekah, Rebekah, Rebekah. I told her she had to take her shoes off. She told me she didn't want to. I told her she had no choice. She told me she wasn't. (Shes a very stubborn and opinionated little girl, i wonder where she gets that from?) I told her again, she had no choice and I let it go for a minute. I got my shoes and belt off, phone, maddie's shoes, 3 carry on bags onto the belt and then the struggle began. I asked her to please take her shoes off and she threw herself on the floor screaming. My child doesn't normally pitch fits. I mean she has, but..anyways. Screaming. Staring. Me, mortified. So I picked her up to take her shoes off for her and she was kicking her feet back away from me. She kept saying "I don't want to take my pants off!" Um...who said anything about pants, Rebekah? Geeze. More screaming, more staring, my blood pressure is rising and all of a sudden I'm wishing that it were legal to beat your child in public without getting hauled off for child abuse. (Don't worry, I don't beat my children in any way, shape or form. But that doesn't mean I don't think about it from time to time!) I get her shoes off, Russel has the nerve to look at me and say "Do you mind helping me!?!" ((ears steaming)) ARE YOU KIDDING ME! So I grabbed Maddie since I was doing nothing afterall so he could get our huge double stroller and his carry-ons on the belt and then I sent him through first. Maddie ran to him no issues, Bekah would not budge. More screaming. Feet planted like cement in the ground. I had to pick her up, thank you nice security man for telling me that was allowed, and carry her through crying. I bumped into the walls of the machine the first time because she was freaking out so I had to go through a second time. But, we made it through and she stopped crying immediately. SERIOUSLY! oh-my-gosh. Livid. She is soooo glad we were in public! Then Russel's on my crap list for his little comment. I could still slap him for it. And it's 5:30ish in the morning, I was tossing and turning ALL night long, so I didn't sleep, woke up at 3am, hadn't had breakfast yet (lethal combination) and had just packed and cleaned the house (he did help with the cleaning to give him some credit) the entire week before just to add that in there, to prep for this trip, and I was NOT a happy camper. Then he's in a bad mood and blames it on ME, of course. Why did i get married again, please remind me...

Anyways...I'm getting stressed just reliving the whole experience.
The rest of the trip was breezy compared. First flight from Portland to Denver was good. A few crying issues with Maddie, but the 2 1/2 hours went fast enough. Had to immediately walk to our connecting flight and board. Denver to Atlanta is a little over 2 hours also so i was pretty tired of flying, but what can ya do. Got on, got situated, Maddie fell asleep about half hour in for the entire flight (More props to God!) and Bekah was great. She actually fell asleep during our initial decent into Atlanta, so she got a cat nap but that's ok. Maddie's the cranky one if she doesn't nap. We've just been hanging out at the house and adjusting to the time difference. Girls are doing great, but they always adjust really well. Russel headed out this morning to play paintball with his buddies over the weekend, so that'll be fun for him. This month is going to be busy, but I know it's going to fly by! Ga is muggy and hot, oh how did i ever forget. I've been sweating like crazy and having hot flashes since i've been here. *sigh

Anyways, I'm starting to ramble.
Here are a few pics from the trip over and I'll post more soon!

jumping on hotel beds-GREAT FUN!! :)

Aren't they sweet??

Maddie's first time sleeping in a big girl bed. Can you guess which side of the bed was mine? I'll give you one guess..

There was the most BEAUTIFUL sunrise when our flight took off. Russel had put the camera in the overhead bin however and by the time we could get it we had lost the real "kodak moment" But still...gorgeous.

It's just one of those days..

2009-08-27T14:53:00.000-07:00

Today I'm having one of those days.
Heck, who am I kidding? I have "one of those days" almost everyday.
I am tired. My patience is wearing thin to practically non-existant and I just feel like sleeping it all away.
The kids aren't being particularly bad, they are just being themselves, but some days I just can't muster the energy to match up with them. I keep thinking that one day I will, but no, they are constantly running circles around me and I'm left standing there, frustrated and extremely overwhelmed, ready to run into the bedroom and hide until Russel gets home. Except the kids would find me, they always do. Which reminds me, I need to find a better hiding place.

And today he's working late, which really makes it "one of those days".

The girls woke up with the roosters, no exaggeration. But that's no different than every single other day of the week. Bekah starts begging for breakfast at 6am! For those of you who don't know, I am NOT a morning person. No way, no how...so me and her are gonna fight one day if she doesn't learn to stay out of my bubble for a little while. Ask my mom, me and mornings...it's just not pretty. I need peace and quiet to ease into the day and with kids, HAHA, yeah i know. That's funny Kristen. Then nap time, that was another joke. Bekah probably didn't even sleep and Maddie was up within an hour. WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY????!!!! ((cries)) Sanity, where are you??? Please come baaackkk!

I clean everyday, but then the kids run through like Tasmanian devils and mess it up again within minutes. Is that normal? Oh well, I'm tired of that. I swept the back deck of all the sand yesterday during nap and looking outside right now you could never tell. I'm tired of dishes and laundry and toys which seem to multiply. I think they procreate daily and make lots of little dishes and laundry and toy babies that keep procreating with each other and it never ends!! And I'm also tired of cooking 3 meals a day, can I hire a chef? And being stuck in the house and not knowing anyone...Ok, now this post is turning into one big pity party. SORRY! Back on track.

I took Rebekah out front for a few pictures. Seems I've been photographing Madelyn more lately and that's just not acceptable now is it? Here are the pics, she's getting so big :( And on a last note, we fly back home to GA for the month this upcoming Wednesday, so rest assured this blog will be neglected until we get home. Hang in there, I'll have some posts for you before you know it!!

Blowing dandelions (spelling?) in the front yard. "I made a wish mommy!"

Just being pretty

Do these pics look wierd or is it just my monitor on the fritz???
Oh well.
I hope they don't look wierd.
Last two, I love her! And until next time!

Blah blah blah boring

2009-08-20T20:14:00.000-07:00

OK, Ok, ok, ok, ok...
I am waaaay behind, i know. I'm sorry. UPDATE!
Really nothing exciting has been happening, which in turn is why I have not blogged. But I guess you don't really care to read my chatter, you only really want to see pictures of my offspring, right? I KNEW IT!

We are all doing good, same old every day routine of NOTHING.
Russel works, I stay home, the kids run around the house and drive me crazy, need i elaborate? The girls are great, no new milestones or happenings there either. Rebekah actually had a dentist appointment last week. YAY! HOW EXCITING!!! I know, lol. Look, I told you our lives are boring. This was not her first visit, but her second. Her first was a few months ago when she was running in the living room and ran into the window sill with her mouth, no good. Thank GOD the tooth did not fall out. It bruised, turned brown and then went back to normal! Upon this visit the dentist says this never happens so YAY! Thank you Jesus she can have pretty teeth. Is that shallow?! But anyways, here are some pics of her visit, and she did great! She's so big : (

Maddie kept saying "My turn! My turn!" so she got to go for a ride in the chair. She was pretty impressed. Let's see how impressed she is in about 6 months to a year when it's HER turn to get them toofies cleaned! haha

We also went to the zoo a couple weekends ago and I'll post pictures of that tomorrow if i can remember, Russel just got home with my dinner and i'm hungry!!

A Diaper, some rocks and a teacup..

2009-07-16T18:19:00.000-07:00

Do you think I should invest in Little Swimmers? haha
Oh well, she was having a good ole time anyways...

Does she ever wear clothes?!

2009-07-13T17:41:00.000-07:00

"Maddie, turn around and smile!"

...or run away, that works too...

ok, that's better, but..."maddie, COME HERE PLEASE! a little closer"

"WOW! ok. Hi!" not that close..
is there no in between with this child!?!

She's FOUR!

2009-07-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

I can't believe she's four. She's FOUR! That's almost five. Kindergarten. MY BABY! She's growing up. = ( She might as well be going to college or getting married! Ok, ok maybe it's not that bad, but still....where did the time go? In what seems like the snap of a finger she went from a teensy tiny bundle of baby girl to the bright, funny, BIG girl that stands before me today. Getting ready to go to pre-school, learning how to read and write, playing with Barbies, big girl. Happy Birthday Rebekah!!! I can't wait to see what four has in store for you!

Life's a Beach

2009-07-08T05:46:00.000-07:00

We decided to take a little drive down to the coast this past weekend, just for the day. The weather for the 4th of July weekend was beautiful and we had nothing else planned, so why not! We had a blast. It was so relaxing. The beach wasn't nearly as busy as I thought it would be and it was actually warm and quiet and we just..hung out. We played in the sand, threw frisbee, kicked around a beach ball. It was fun. Madelyn was a little unsure of the sand at first but after a few minutes, of which included her and Rebekah falling into the water, she was ok. LOL. Sorry, I don't have a picture of that moment, the water was FREEEEZING and i had to swoop in and save the day before they both caught hypothermia or got so terrified of water that they never wanted to set foot on the beach again. But don't worry, all is well. They laughed it off, PHEW! And luckily (surprisingly) the weather was warm enough to let them dry off in their clothes.

Here are some of my favorite pics from the day!

Afternoon at the park

2009-06-23T18:52:00.000-07:00

This will be a post FULL of pictures. Park pictures to be exact.
But I haven't uploaded in awhile and I actually put my camera to use today, so...I hope you enjoy. The girls LOVE playing at the park, and it was a gorgeous day with lots of sunshine so we took advantage. Maddie can't get enough of the slide, which you'll see in most of the pictures and Bekah just runs around like crazy so it's hard to track her down when there's playground equipment involved. haha And you can see from all the sunflare in some of the pictures the sun was REALLY shining today. Can i get a THANK YOU JESUS!!!

And at the end of the visit...dirty park faces and smiles!! Sucessful trip : )

To anyone reading this...

2009-06-12T12:39:00.001-07:00

We have NOT fallen off the face of the earth.
Everybody in the Beaty household is just fine and dandy.
We stayed busy for a little while with all the newfound sun and warmth, but then mother nature decided she hated me, and it's been gloomy, raining or BOTH in Oregon for the last almost 2 weeks! This is not typical for June weather here, so I am not the only pissed off "Oregonian". Yeah, they call themselves that. HA! We get a brief respite from the rain for oh, 3 months out of the year! Come on mother nature, give us a break!!

Anyways...
I've started working out again. I know, as if you care. But it's my blog, so pfffff!
I finally decided I would like my pre-baby body back last June. I worked out all summer long and lost 14lbs! It was great. Then the rain came and that was history. I worked out on and off (more off honestly) over the winter, but managed to do enough to just maintain what I had lost. Better than nothing, right? But since I have a little more to lose I decided to kick it into high gear in April. I joined a gym finally a few weeks ago so I've been hitting it hard core. Phew! I'm exhausted. 5-6 days a week at the gym will do that to ya! But, I am happy to say that I lost 6lbs so far! **dances** You don't understand how happy I am about that. I've been working SO HARD. Don't believe me, ask Russel! I was starting to think I hadn't lost anything, but then my scale decided it wanted to live so it showed me some lower numbers and all is well. : ) I hope to hit my goal in the next few months and I'll let you know when I do!

I don't have any pictures to upload of the girls right now as I can't get onto my drive where we keep them all and my computer nerd husband hasn't figured out why yet. (To his defense maybe I should remember to ask him so he actually knows there's a problem???) lol. So I will upload pictures very soon. I promise. Tah Tah!

8 years and counting!

2009-05-18T13:48:00.000-07:00

Yea, that's my husband and he's pretty much...A-W-E-S-O-M-E! He may not be "prince charming" but he's my prince charming. I don't deserve him, I really don't. But he obviously sees something I don't see and God love him for it. EIGHT years, count em 8! That's how long we've been at this marriage thing. And they weren't lying when they said it would be hard. I feel so accomplished even though I know that we haven't even come halfway. But we have come a long way and I'm happy, amazed, and shocked at times but oh-so-proud of us. We don't have a perfect marriage, by any means, but we have a perfect God and it's because of Him that we've made it this far. I'll save you the boredom of listening to my tales of woe and all the hard times we've been through as a couple (most of you know it all anyways) and just get to the point. This post is dedicated to my husband, the love of my life and the person with whom I hope God blesses me enough to walk hand in hand with for the rest of my time on this earth.

I love you Russel and I'm thankful that 9 1/2 years ago God put you in my life. Little did I know that a year and a half later you would be standing at the alter accepting me into your world forever and giving me the BEST 8 years of my life. I couldn't have done it without you. I love you more than words can express.

Happy Anniversary to my love and my best friend!!
From then:

To now:

And to another 50 years!!
I ♥ You!!!!

Me and my babies

2009-05-10T13:54:00.000-07:00

Look, i do exist! lol
I decided to step out from behind the camera for two seconds.

I HATE getting my pictures taken, but I decided to get in a picture with each of them because it is my day after all and I realized I don't take near enough pictures with my little munchkins as i should. Maddie is way to excited about the picture, lol and check out her little pigtails. ((snickers)) And of course I tried for the group picture but as you can tell, from the picture below, getting them to sit still on my lap is not an easy feat. I am laughing in the pic, Bekah is doing who knows what with her hand and Maddie is flashing the world and giving a cheesy grin, but at least we are all looking and ..I'm in a picture, right? You gotta get what you can get!

I am enjoying my Mother's Day with my babies. I am one lucky mama!
Happy Mother's Day to all you amazing mom's out there!

The iris's are blooming in our front yard

2009-05-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

Aren't they pretty?

I almost couldn't get that picture, the wind was blowing so hard and my lens was having trouble focusing. A few have already bloomed in full, I will try and get a picture tomorrow. As if you really care what the flowers in my yard look like. But I DON'T CARE. I'm doing it anyways. :P And while I'm complaining, I wish these pictures would upload BIGGER! It just bothers me...

And...here are my loves. All 3 of them being cooperative and it turns out friggin blurry!!! BUT still cute :) I heart them!

Yeah, Maddie's making a goofy face, she was drinking. Oh well. You get what you can.
End of blog, thanks for reading my pointless post!

Just another manic Monday

2009-05-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

I have really great kids. And by really great I mean pretty darn amazing. They are exceptionally well behaved children, so I'm told. No, I'm kidding, they are really good, 95% of the time. But that remaining 5%, hahahahahahaha. How about I just leave it at that. My mom taught me a long time ago "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". And I don't want to get in trouble. It's just lately, Rebekah...she's testing me BIG time and it's a never. ending. battle with her. Everything is a debate. Everything I say or do or tell her to do is met with a "NO!" or "I DON'T WANT TO!" or "But (insert argument here)" or she runs and tattles to daddy, pitches a fit, stomps her feet, crosses her hands over her chests, slams her door, I could go on and on and on. It's really, REALLY irritating. And that's putting it mildly. And right about now my mom is probably smiling with glee. They say pay back is a bitch and they aint lying. It's a bitch mom, it really is!!! Are you happy now? = )

Is it too late to admit that I'm in over my head? I don't know what to do anymore. This is where anyone else would throw their hands up and say "I QUIT!" Butttt...I'm a mom and I don't have that luxury. And honestly, even if i did have that luxury, I still wouldn't do it. Ok, never mind, i'll be honest. Maybe if it were just for a day or something I might be tempted. They are driving me that kind of crazy lately. It's only 9 am and Rebekah has already had 3 bags of toys removed from her bedroom and they are currently taking up residence in the garage, where they will stay, until I decide whether she will keep them or they will be donated. Toys are the bain of my existance! I kid you not. On top of that she has already been "spanked" once, and it will happen again, I can feel it in my bones. Oh who am I kidding. I've never been a spanker. My children have never witnessed a real "spanking". I don't know if I'd be capable of it honestly. I think I might have only been spanked once or twice in my lifetime! But I might need to learn. Up to date time out or a pop on the leg or sending her to her room has worked, but I think those are punishments better left in the past. They don't work on her anymore! It's like they are a joke. And Madelyn, well, let's just say she's pitching a fit in her bed as we speak. She is NOT a happy camper! My normally oh so sweet baby girl has learned a thing or two from big sister and she's been pushing my buttons these days too. WHY SO EARLY! It's just not fair! I didn't think I'd see this kind of attitude and aggression in her for another year at least. ((cries)) Oh the joys of siblings.

I know what you're gonna say, the worst is yet to come and I aint seen nothin yet, blah blah blah. I see your mouth moving but I don't hear the words coming out of your mouth. = ) Just joking. I know all that. But this parenting thing, it's just getting harder and harder. I guess I can honestly say it's been fairly easy up to this point. And this is where it starts getting hard. Uggh. I just needed to vent to someone or someTHING. Gotta love blogs. Now I must go and get Madelyn from her crib because she's done w/ her spaz fest. ((sighs)) Don't worry, you don't have to call DFACS, I'll let you know if it gets to that point! haha

It's almost Mother's Day and I'm feeling reflective

2009-04-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

The house is a mess, it's always a mess. Heck, I'M a mess. I feel stretched to my limit and I'm tired. No, scratch that, I'm exhausted. But I sit here and watch my little girl, only 17 months old, sing along with her FAVORITE cartoon in the whole entire world, Caillou. She doesn't know all the words, but the ones she does she says loudly and the rest of the time she bobs up and down to the music. It makes my heart smile (if that were possible) and for a second I forget everything else. These children bring so much joy to my life.

(And even as I type the period at the end of that sentence Maddie starts whining for no reason at all....Way to pop my sappy, reflective bubble!)

You'll often hear, or read, about how my kids drive me certifiably crazy. And boy is it true! I often wonder how i will survive 18+ years of this insanity. I do not hide my feelings well. I am a brutally honest person and I don't know how to be anything but that. So many emotions run through me on a daily basis that's it's hard for me to sort through them all. In a day I can go from grateful, happy, peaceful and proud to irritated, depleted and sometimes almost downright angry in no time flat. Being a mom is a harder job than anyone would have or could have prepared for me to know. But through that roller coaster ride that is my emotions there is always one feeling that I can grasp onto at any time, and that's Love. Who knew you could love someone so much. That even in the midst of complete and utter frustration and anger you could still find that joy. It's nothing short of amazing to me. Even if I don't always portray that side of it.

Every year that I am a mother I learn, and every year that I am a mother I grow a little bit more respect. I have a mother. She's pretty awesome. And I realize with every growing year something that makes me so sad, I took her for granted. But to my defense, I didn't know. As a child having never experienced a love so real and so raw, how could you? I know she didn't expect me too and I surely don't expect my children to either. But I honestly never realized the depth to which she loved me and sacrificed her all until that very moment when they laid my sweet baby in my arms. Until I stayed up all night long with a crying infant worn and tired, and had to make it through the day in zombie mode. Until I had to take that child to the emergency room with a fever so high she could barely keep her eyes open. Until I felt those little arms wrap tightly around me and hear the words "i love you mommy". The words I waited so long to hear. Until i heard the purest, happiest giggles and saw them smile those big cheesy grins that will forever be burned into my heart. I could go on and on. Every day is filled with those moments. Thousands of them. And I pray to God for a lifetime full of billions more.

Every single day is a reminder and realization of that love that I feel for my children. A love that I couldn't live without. That I am so grateful for. But it's also a reminder of the love that I was given. A love that started 28 years ago. A love that in a way, because of her, I have been gifted. Wow. And I realize that just because your children grow up you don't lose that love. It doesn't lessen, it only grows stronger and deeper. You don't ever stop being "Mommy". And you can never stop loving or even fully sacrificing your life and your heart for your children. It's just not possible. And those four little words that you wait so long to hear. Those oh so powerful words that I now realize I don't say enough, she still needs to hear.

I love you Mom!

And thank you. Thank you for loving me even when I know you didn't always want to because I know at times I made it really hard. Thank you for sacrificing all that you did for me and not thinking twice to do it. Thank you for giving me your life so that I could have a lifetime full of joy and happiness and memories that mean more to me than you will ever know. It's because of you that I am here and it's because of you that I am who I am. It's because of you I know love, that I feel love and that I can give love. You stood by my side and you're still standing by my side to this day. For that I am and always will be eternally greatful. I love you with a love that goes deeper than any love in the world. No words or gift could ever express to you that love, it's just not possible. Twenty eight years ago they laid me in your arms, but I felt your love long before that. For we are connected by our hearts and no amount of distance can or will ever change that. I have loved you all these years and I will continue to love you to the end of time. I know it's still a week early, and I don't even know when you will read this, but...

Happy Mother's Day Mom!!

Oh where oh where did my sunshine go...

2009-04-29T12:21:00.000-07:00

Oregon is a big, fat, LIAR! Yes, I am 10 as a matter of fact, and I have resulted to name calling. In the words of Rebekah with arms folded over chest "(hmph) I don't care!"

The sun came out for a whole entire week and it was glorious. But, ever since, yup, you guessed it, it's been raining or cold and gloomy. Hoorah! ((rolls eyes)) And the weather man had the nerve to say yesterday that Oregon hasn't seen enough rain this year. WHA...Come again weather man? Not enough rain?! Could've fooled me! He better be glad he was in the television...But all I can say is "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! It's just not fair!" If everyone else can have pretty sunshine why can't we? ((pouts))

You kinda lose interest and creativity oh after about 6 months of trying to find things to occupy yourself and 2 small children indoors. They are literally banging at the back door wanting to go out and play and I don't blame them. I am so tired of internet and tv that I could scream! One can only do so much cleaning before she goes insane. And I am so beyond tired of looking at toys that I have threatened more than once (today) to take them all outside, throw them in the street, and run them over with the car! Lil' bit moody Kristen? HA! I'd say so.

I tried to calm myself some w/ photography. I found two more lovelies in my yard to photograph. WOO HOO!

Nothing really new with the girls, they are doing great. Rebekah is your typical almost 4 year old. She thinks she rules the roost! She's sassy and argumentative, future lawyer perhaps? She's giving me a run for my money. But aside from all of that she's still a sweet little girl, so full of personality and life and I love her so much my heart overflows. Here she is this morning with her daddy's flashlight. That entertained her for about 10 minutes...

And Madelyn, well, she's following in her big sisters footsteps of course! I can't believe next month she'll be a year and a half! She's picked up so many of Bekah's mannerism's and attitude here lately, I can't believe it. We're seeing her personality come out more and more everyday. She's a pretty cool little chick. Just like big sister she oozes personality, she's funny and silly and oh so adventurous. Where Bekah is more reserved and timid, Madelyn is not. But she's such a sweetheart, definately more of a mama's girl these days. Sorry Daddy! And she loves the playground, she pitches a horrid fit when we tell her it's time to go!

Yeah, i know, she needs her ears pierced. I am horrible! I didn't mean to put it off for this long and now it's going to have to be torture, but they will get pierced, SOON hopefully. And YAY! her hair is finally coming in. Phew! I'm tired of people thinking she's a boy!

And I guess, for now, that's all I have to blog about? Unless of course you want to hear me complain about the weather a little more? HAHA. just kidding. LATERS!

An unbreakable bond that speaks for itself

2009-04-23T19:57:00.000-07:00

Fun in the Sun, sprinkler style

2009-04-23T12:28:00.000-07:00

I took this picture of our bush that's outside of our front window yesterday morning...

And I snapped a picture of the tree in our front yard blooming, it's like you can almost see the leaves coming out of hiding...

All this nature is miraculous to me! You'd think I'd never witnessed it before in my 28 years. Or maybe it's just the fact that I've been hibernating in my house for 5 long and gloomy months covered in rain, sleet or snow. Even though all the above is true, I, however, think my eye is just changing. It's wierd how that happens. As I get older I see things differently, and when I'm behind my camera I see a lot more beauty than I ever would have without it. Maybe that doesn't make sense to you? It does to me. But now sadly I am running out of things to photograph in our yard! (Thank God you say?) How rude! Russel even bought some weed killer yesterday and sprayed it all over my beloved dandelions last night, RIP beautiful little weeds! = (

Rest assured I will find more nature to photograph SOMEWHERE but until then I will just leave you with pictures of the two most perfect and beautiful subjects of all, and that would be, you guess it, my baby girls!! We've had such beautiful weather and the other day it was so warm I broke out the sprinkler. They weren't huge fans of it, Madelyn mostly as you'll see. But we managed to have some fun anyways. My kids are pansies, and hey, I can say that because I am their mom! Sometimes the truth hurts..

Madelyn before the sprinkler..

and can i just say WHY can her chubby little butt and legs look so cute..it's just not fair!

And Madelyn after the sprinkler, which is apparently the new form of water torture just incase you were wondering. ((rolls eyes))

Daddy rescued her (because Mommy refuses to put down her camera)"Mother of the Year goes to...."

And even though Rebekah will not run through the sprinkler (only around it or up to touch it, see I told you...pansy) she had a lot of fun!

We even dumped water on her head, teehee. Don't worry, I asked her if we could. See, i'm not horribly mean!

And a few last cute ones of Madelyn after she stopped pouting in daddy's arms...
(Yes, I put down the camera and loved on her too, no worries!)

Beauty in the every day

2009-04-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but lately I'm fascinated with photographing the dandelions in our front yard. They are so beautiful to me. It's amazing how God can even make weeds pretty. He's just awesome like that. Afterall, there is nothing special about weeds. They are plain and annoying and frankly serve no purpose but to litter our yard with more weeds, but that's ok. To God they are his creation and they are beautiful, such a powerful lesson. And I just like photographing them, trying to see the beauty that God sees.

Lately I'm all about finding the beauty in the ordinary. It's easy photographing my children. Their beauty pours out of them constantly. But lately my eye has wandered out my front door and it's like I'm seeing things differently. Beauty is all around us if you look hard enough, even in the plain. Especially this time of year. We just overlook it most of the time. We all do. And it reminds me that God is faithful and God is good and I don't know about you but I tend to need that reminder from time to time. Here is a little bit more of God's amazing work, and I pray that you will walk outside also and open your eyes to this amazing world that God has created and thank him for the small things that we take for granted. (Some of these you might have already seen on my blog previously, sorry for the repeats!)

Poor little pine cone, leftover from a HAPPILY forgotten fall, but I just love this picture. It's so...rustic.

2009-04-18T19:49:00.000-07:00

That pictures sums up our day. I took it at the park this afternoon. Russel said it reminds him of Christmas, i don't have an earthly clue why. I just think it's beautiful. And that's what our day was, beautiful and amazing. The weather was perfect, we spent the day together, laughed and played, and I can honestly say I haven't had such a good day in a really long time.

We started off the morning with Rebekah's swimming lesson, then headed out for lunch at the mall. Went home for naps (the kids not us, I WISH!), worked in the yard, then hit up Coldstone for some ice cream when the girls woke up. We took them to this local spot to feed the ducks which they loved by the way and it was so fun! Very peaceful, feeding ducks, I haven't done that in quite some time. Then we went to the park and the girls got to run around and get their feet wet in the fountain. Rebekah kept saying "that was so much fun!"

Here are a few of my favorite pics from the day:

Spring has sprung!!

2009-04-09T14:42:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited! It's still raining a little bit buttt, she sun is coming out more and more and it makes me SO HAPPY!! :D See! A smile. We went to the tulip fields on Tuesday and it was so pretty. They weren't fully bloomed yet, but some of them were and I got some really great Easter pictures of the girls. I will definitely be going back there soon! Here are some of my favorites from the day, you can tell who my "cooperative" child is these days. I PROMISE i'm not playing favorites! I couldn't get them to sit together for a picture, Madelyn has ants in her pants and won't sit still, so...maybe one day. Until then separate pictures will have to suffice!

And Madelyn, sweet baby. She loved the "pitty" flowers but she wouldn't look at me to save her life. That's ok, I've learned to deal.

And aren't the flowers so pretty!

Thank God for friends and beautiful weather..

2009-04-06T12:38:00.001-07:00

My best friend Andrea is visiting from Georgia this week while her and her kids are on Spring Break. Just her, no kids, well..aside from mine. I'm enjoying the visit, we have just been lazy (or i have). She keeps cleaning my house for me and cooking! I swear I keep telling her not to but she's not listening, so...hey, clean away! ;)

And Oregon LOVES me this week. We have seen the most beautiful weather we've experienced since last summer. We've went to the park, visited the waterfalls and even layed out on the back deck to soak it all in. It's been great. Russel's even going to try and take tomorrow off so maybe we can do something else before she goes home on Wednesday :(

Here are some pics from the weekend and I'm sure i'll blog again soon! xoxo

Beautiful Cherry Blossom trees at the park...growing to be my favorite tree!

Me and Andrea on the bridge over the Willamette River (nice sun spot on my head) and..the bridge itself

And now for the only pictures you really care to see on this blog :) Here's Bekah posing at Silver Falls after we visited the waterfalls, her favorite attraction. She was so excited to show Andrea. And isn't she such a ham?!?! I LOVE it!

And Maddie..constrained most of the time then set free!

My little fishie

2009-04-04T12:55:00.000-07:00

We decided to enroll Rebekah in swimming lessons to sort of break up the gloom and doom of being stuck indoors during this longgg and dreary winter. She loves the water so I figured why not take the opportunity to teach her how to swim and be safe. Today was her very first swim lesson and she had a BLAST! I'm so excited for her to be able to do this, nothing like seeing a big ol' smile on your sweet babies face. Here are the pics from her very first lesson..Enjoy! There's quite a few to look at, sorry. ha. Crazy swim mommy w/ the camera. :D

Bored? haha

I can see the hill, I refuse however to pass over it!

2009-03-31T10:38:00.000-07:00

When did birthday's stop being FUN?!
I miss when it mattered.
Now it's just another day, another year.
I miss the days when you could escape reality and celebrate.
Now my birthday is no different than any other day of the year.
Cleaning. Laundry. Diapers. Discipline. You get the drift.
((sighs))
Not to mention that i'm 2 years closer to 30. No, your eyes are not playing tricks on you, i said the big 3-0! Oy!
But I guess enough of my whining because you don't want to hear that, or do you??

My husband rocks, so it's not all complaints.
Saturday he bought me a one hour massage and OMG it was great!
All weekend he did most of the work with the girls and he cleaned without me asking! (gasps) Miracles DO happen! I kid, i kid. He's awesome and he always helps. He even cooked. Then this morning after i went out for my walk he cooked me breakfast and Rebekah made me a birthday card. And he's cooking me dinner tonight. So it aint all bad, I am actually pretty darn lucky!

Now totally off subject, but when i went out for my walk today I saw this tree in my neighbors yard and I had to get out and take some pictures of the pretty blooms. Such pretty pink flowers. B-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l!

Not a bad way to start a birthday!
Thank you God for blessing me with 28 happy years!!
Happy Birthday to ME!!!
(I'm still sad that I'm almost 30 however)
;)

Is that a zebra in Oregon?

2009-03-29T14:41:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to make sure I update with pictures on a more steady basis. I know that's all you really check this thing for anyways, right? We went to church this morning so for once we were all "prettied" up instead of lounging in our pj's, ANDDDD it wasn't raining (can i get an AMEN!) soooo I got Rebekah in the backyard for a few photos since it was her turn. Yes, I have to do it in turns. I'm not skilled enough to take both my kids pics at the same time, let alone on the same day! I'm workin on it, give me a break! But here she is as beautiful as can be and rockin' the zebra print. At least one of us is in style ((sighs)) One day folks, one day...

Anyways, here she is strikin a pose for ya! Enjoy :D

and with her Daddy...awwww. I just LOVE them. Can you get over how big she's getting??? :(

Rebekah, Rebekah...

2009-03-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

Today Rebekah was sitting at the table coloring a picture. All of a sudden I heard her sweet little voice and I turn around and she's pretending to be writing notes. Boy I wish I had a camera to capture these things. I did, however, open up a notebook window and type out what she was saying so I could remember.

"dear nana, please.
i love you soooo much
i hope you love me soo much too!"

"dear mommy and daddy, please.
i love you sooo much!"

"dear daddy,
i hope you love my shiney teeth
they are for you to look at"

LMAO! That child CRACKS me up! I don't know what's with the "please" or the need to tell her daddy about her shiny teeth, but i love it! I wish I could bottle up her innocence and sweet baby voice to hold onto forever.
How I love that little girl!!!

simply beautiful

2009-03-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

This is one of my new favorite pictures of Madelyn. I got her to sit still a couple weeks ago (not an easy task) and shot away! I'm entering the photo in I heart faces photo blog contest again. Just because. This week's theme is "green" for St Patty's day, and if you look real closely you can see an ITTY bit of green out the window from the grass :D

Check out their website for tons of other great photos from soo many talented photographers! It's a fun site!

April showers bring May flowers...

2009-03-14T17:22:00.000-07:00

Or in Oregon's case, October-February showers bring March flowers, then it continues to rain until May or June. That's why I was so thrilled to see these! I snapped this picture in our front yard yesterday, those little buggers came out of nowhere, but I sure am happy to see them!

Spring time here we come!!!! : )

If i haven't already told you (i.e complained enough), it's been raining in Oregon for MONTHS now. I do not exaggerate folks. We have seen so much rain I'm literally starting to believe that sunshine doesn't exist! Just this month alone we've seen 3 measley days of sunshine, and the forecast doesn't call for another single day of it this month! (Check weather.com if you don't believe me) Grateful as I am for those 3 days though, seriously...3 days!??! Ugggh. So if I seem negative and humdrum it's because I AM. I'm trying really hard to not let it affect me, but unfortunately it has.

It's hard to feel upbeat and inspired in circumstances such as these. Honestly I find it hard to get out of bed at times. The girls are also starting to feel the effects of being trapped indoors. In short, the Beaty women are CRABBY and CRANKY! There's only so much you can do to occupy a child indoors on a day to day basis as it is. And unfortunately my mood isn't the perfect breeding ground for my imagination. It's also starting to get difficult to occupy Mommy, even though my house could use it badly, you can only do so much cleaning.

I hope to be out of my funk soon. I am ready to pick up my camera and start shooting again. I miss it. Until then I will live vicariously through other photographers blogs and hope that lifts my spirits some. Until then I'll leave you with a few pictures of the girls this past week on one of the sunny (freezing) days!

The light was wierd in this one so their faces are kinda shadowy, but there's my bebe's, and of course rockin their all time favorite froggy boots!

This picture makes me laugh so hard! This is what Maddie thinks about winter time :)
(of course she didn't do that on purpose, what kind of mother do you think i am!?)

We even made it to the park one day. What might have been the shortest park visit ever, 7 minutes tops. So we hurried over to the carousel for a couple rides, thank God they have that as back up! We enjoyed Nana's visit, sorry it wasn't better weather though. We know she'll be back soon anyways!